the top 20 worst video games of all time

Discussion in 'Games, Gaming & Game-demos' started by guru496, Jun 11, 2003.

  1. guru496

    guru496 Guest

    I'm new posting here but here it goes.

    This is list of the worse video games ever made based on user reviews. I'm sure you will all agree on this and some might not seen this games in your lifes but here it goes. I will be posting the top 20 little by little.

    #20 Extreme Sports with the Berenstein Bears (Gameboy Color)

    The control is just barely good enough to avoid ramming the little girl's head into trees, but you won't bother.
    Calling this game "extreme" is like calling this game "crappy." Both of them are way too kind. The game has four events: sledding, kayaking, biking, and skateboarding. All of them contain the exact same amount of extreme-- a teddy bear slowly moving past rocks in a race to humiliate whoever gets caught playing it.


    Screenshot [​IMG]

    With four events, it's like four games in one, but only if you're easily tricked and profoundly stupid. The only thing that changes with each event is the background and the terrible drawing of what your bear is riding. This bull**** must have been designed for the blind, because they're the only ones who won't notice that someone just painted the snow blue and renamed it "kayaking."

    Before you race, you can choose to be either be Brother or Sister Bear, but neither is more radically extreme than the other. It's just an option allowing you to go back and beat the game again, only in a dress. Of course, if you're the kind of person who would play through Extreme Sports with the Berenstein Bears twice, you'd probably have just as much fun banging your own giant head against the inside of an abandoned refrigerator, subnormal.

    Graphics: 1/10
    Maybe it's unreasonable to think that Berenstein Bear enthusiasts deserve a good game, but Extreme Sports with the Berenstein Bears should have come with a note from the graphic artist's doctor giving us a medical excuse for this kind of failure.

    Fun: 0/10
    Controlling your bear is almost impossible, the game gets tedious into the third or fourth second, and the basic concept behind it would get you shot in most countries. So no. No, this game is not fun.

    Actual Extremeness: 0/10
    A ****ing teddy bear sliding into rocks on an uncontrollable toaster is actually less extreme than most real-life non-extreme sports. This games extremeness is somewhere between thinking about softball and nerf bingo. There's no reason to hold back on the extreme-- once you have magic talking bears rocking the slopes as a family, there's no reason to keep their speed at a realistically slow level. You've already established that this is a world of limitless possibilities, so you can have them do whatever you want. Put rockets on their kayak and have it periodically turn into a bear trap. Or better yet, invent your own new sport that would be impossible in real life like hitting a dynamite-filled dinosaur with a hockey stick. That's extreme
     
  2. Meta|Gear

    Meta|Gear Pretty Hate Machine

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    lol.... o dear god
     
  3. top_gun36

    top_gun36 Ancient Guru

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    WOW....JUST WOW! (BTW I cant wait to see the rest)
     
  4. guru496

    guru496 Guest

    Anyway back to this crap fest Here is Number 19

    #19: Bible Adventures (NES)


    I bet voodoo worshippers don't buy their kids **** like this.
    If there's a God, why does He let bad things happen? Or more importantly, why did He let these idiots put His name on this video game? Even Carrot Top can control what his name endorses. Whether our Lord and savior had a hand in Bible Adventures or not, His game blesses us with three terrible adventures to choose from: Noah's Ark, Baby Moses, and David & Goliath. All of them combined the fun of learning about the Bible with the excitement of boring, monotonous wandering.

    In Noah's Ark, you play the part of Noah hunting down and subdueing unwilling animals, usually by smashing a vegetable over their head. If you're familiar with the story, God needs you to collect two of each so that you can repopulate the animal kingdom after He DROWNS EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON THE EARTH. The problem you run into is that some of the animals hide. Clearly, the beasts have the devil in them, and after an hour of trying to find where Satan hid my boat's second pony, I gave up. Either God gives me a god damn pony detector or He's just going to have to make some more ponies after he's done killing everybody. Lazy ****.

    [​IMG]

    In Baby Moses, your job is to carry Baby Moses through the desert. I'm not much of a Bible reader, so I don't know what this story's about. All I know is that every single spider in that ****ing desert wants to kill Baby Moses. You can throw the baby at them, but neither he or the spiders get hurt. Baby Moses just bounces a few times and smiles. And it doesn't take more than a couple minutes for the game to degenerate into me throwing Baby Moses into a river, watching him sink, then pretending it was an accident.

    [​IMG]

    God? If you don't want me to feed this baby to fish, strike me with lightninnngg... now. Okay then... sorry, Baby Moses!
    This might surprise you if you know anything about babies, but there's no consequence for drowning Baby Moses. You can go back to the beginning of the level and get a new baby any time you want. Your only mission is to get him to the end of the level, but if you beat it without him your only reprimand is, "GOOD WORK! BUT YOU FORGOT BABY MOSES!" That's it. No one screams, "Not only did you fail, you killed Moses 94 times! What's the matter with you!?" So even if you kill Baby Moses, you still feel pretty good about yourself. And I'd like to think that's exactly how Baby Moses would want it while he was sitting on the bottom of the river getting eaten by spiders?

    Graphics: 6/10
    With the handicap of it being for the Nintendo and being made by Christians, the graphics weren't that bad. But since almost all of your time will be spent throwing Moses into the water and laughing, it doesn't really matter what the rest of the game looks like.

    Fun: 1/10
    Aside from the baby's lack of buoyancy, there's nothing fun about this game. It might come in handy if you can't juggle the hard life of praying and playing video games at separate times. Otherwise, it's only useful to swear someone into the witness stand. "Please place your right hand in the air, and your left hand on Bible Adventures."

    Jesus Power: 8/10
    This cartridge is capable of performing small miracles such as multiplying fish, feet washing, and parting the sea. However, it is not to be subjected to extreme temperatures, and should be stored at room temperature in a clean, dry place. Please do not use Bible Adventures as a floatation device or for crime.

    .
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 11, 2003

  5. Meta|Gear

    Meta|Gear Pretty Hate Machine

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    ahaha o man
     
  6. guru496

    guru496 Guest

    Here is Number 17

    #17: Bubsy 3D (Playstation)

    Bubsy handles like a runaway train. Once you get him going, he can't stop until well after you've hit the creature you were trying to avoid and the twenty feet of lava behind it. You'll constantly be sliding out of control past hallways you wanted, and since all of the walls are the same flat unchanging color, you may never be able to find your way back. And you should also know that the whole time this torture is going on, your ****ing cat is screaming obnoxious catchphrases. If that sounds like something you'd like, then you might also like chewing on a piece of tin foil that a fat person was using as underwear, freak.

    [​IMG]
    Revolutionary Graphics: I've seen hobos clean better looking things out of their belly button.

    The game is fully 3D, but Bubsy can't really move any direction other than straight. Getting at an item across the room can take up to 10 minutes of walking in a line, slowly rotating, then walking in a line and slowly rotating. So unless it's an item that makes one million cheerleaders appear in your living room and start washing their cars, it's probably not worth the pain and suffering it takes to get to it.

    Graphics: 2/10
    Bubsy's world looks like it was built out of old milk cartons by a group of first graders from a country that had never seen milk cartons before. And did I mention that they didn't have scissors, glue, or hands and had to put them together while they were covered in bees? I should have, because this god damn game looks like ass.

    [​IMG]
    What is this faggot ****?

    Fun: 0/10
    Any mean bastard can make a boring and unplayable game, but it takes a special kind of sadist to have Bubsy come on and scream obnoxious things at you every two seconds. You can almost taste how much the Bubsy 3D makers hated the children of America.

    'Tude: Off the charts!/10
    Bubsy was a mascot manufactured by a team of marketers and outrageousness specialists to be as zany and full of 'tude as scientifically possible. And boy is he ever! Sometimes he's so sassy, I'm like, "You go raise the roof, Bubsy!" And then I'm all "Woomp! There he is!" because it's so true.
     
  7. Emanon75

    Emanon75 Guest

    @ guru496..

    Great thread man, I can't stop laughing.. :funny:
    Thanks. :D
     
  8. Netrunner

    Netrunner New Member

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    Jeeeeesus Christ......do not stop, roflmao.:heh:
     
  9. guru496

    guru496 Guest

    Here is number 16

    #16: Bad Street Brawler (NES)

    Bad Street Brawler was designed to be used with the Nintendo Power Glove, and they go well together since neither of them work. In the game, you controlled, or if you used the Power Glove, did your best to control "DUKE DAVIS, former punk rocker and the world's coolest martial arts vigilante!" It's up to you to fight your way through streets killing whatever puppies and tiny circus strongmen you run into. And right down to the banana-throwing gorillas, it's a perfect recreation of real life bad streets.

    [​IMG]
    Life on the Bad Street! A miniature half-naked man swings a purse perhaps filled with emergency moustaches. And yes, that's me cowering with my head in my own diaper.

    Inset: A possible near future where I somehow overcome my fear and kick him in the feet. Please remember: the feet are the furthest point from a midget's moustache. How you use this knowledge is up to you.

    It's actually pretty hard to brawl your way through the streets. Your days as a punk rocker didn't do much to prepare you for a life of high action karate battles. There are girl scouts born with flippers that can punch better than DUKE DAVIS. Another muscle spasm he incorporated into his martial arts technique was falling over in a move that looked like it was trying to be a kick. The local animal control probably could have taken care of the puppy infestation on Bad Street a long time ago if they knew all they had to do was wander around in a diaper and have clumsy seizures.

    Graphics: 0/10
    If the amount of technology that went into making Bad Street Brawler look so terrible could be harnessed for the power of good, it could probably solve all of the world's problems, one of which is the fact that this game exists. What I'm trying to say is the graphics are unattractive to the point that you might become less attractive simply by playing it.

    Fun: 1/10
    Bad Street Brawler still wouldn't be fun if you controlled it with the Nintendo Power Codpiece and it vibrated every time it sucked.

    Useful Advice: 2/10
    The game opens with the soon-to-be-famous proverb, "Never Trouble Trouble Til Trouble Troubles You." Of course, it's pretty hypocritical since dressing up in a yellow diaper and kicking any random midget you see is just blatantly Troubling Trouble.
     
  10. ***CENSORED***

    ***CENSORED*** Master Guru

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    You are copying this from Electronic Gaming Monthly magazine:rolleyes:
     

  11. guru496

    guru496 Guest

    Just spreading the wealth:D
     
  12. Kyaner

    Kyaner Hellenic Guru

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    Keep em coomin :D
     
  13. guru496

    guru496 Guest

    Number 15 (this game really sucks. I bought it and sold it the next day)

    #15: Total Recall (NES)

    Your character in Total Recall, like the real Arnold, has an incredible arsenal of moves at his disposal: both a jump, and a sad thing he does with his wrist that sort of resembles a punch. You should be fine, though; since you're 300 pounds of highly trained muscle and not only are most of your enemies are midgets, and most of their attacks are harmlessly leaping over your head again and again.
    [​IMG]

    What kind of balls does a midget in a pink jumpsuit need to have to tell his midget friends, "See that huge overly-muscled guy? I'm going to waddle over there and put my foot in his overly-muscled penis."

    Some movies don't translate into Nintendo. For example, you'd have to really venture from the plot of Captain Corelli's Mandolin to turn it into a video game. Total Recall is not one of those movies. Arnold went from gunfight to gunfight surrounded by horrible mutants and explosives. You don't need to change a thing for that to be a good video game. In fact, you'd have to seriously **** up for that not to be a good video game.

    But instead of that, it looks the game decided to come up with its own "better" Total Recall plot. I don't remember the part of the movie where kids in purple top hats popped out of garbage cans with water balloon launchers, and I definitely don't remember the part where midgets in pink jumpsuits pulled Arnold into an alley to play leapfrog. But to be honest, all I really do remember in Total Recall is the alien hooker with three boobs.

    Graphics: 1/10
    Remember in the movie, there were those little psychic mutants in the faulty Mars domes that had half their faces melted off and had to be carried around in slimy baskets? Those creatures **** things prettier than this game.

    Fun: 1/10
    If the British made a musical sitcom based on Total Recall set in a flower shop owned by mimes, it would still be a better spinoff of Total Recall than this.

    Public Swindling: 10/10
    Whatever sadistic child torturers released this game knew they were selling garbage. They were just hoping you liked the movie enough to buy the game without checking with your own brain to see if you were buying digital dog ****. They might as well have made a bad game about fresh breath and prayed the public's unconditional love of fresh breath would make it a hit. And I can guarantee you, there is no way Fresh Breath: The Game could be worse than Total Recall the game
     
  14. Altazimuth

    Altazimuth Maha Guru

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    To the true writer of that article, I say this:
    What's that pop at 'the British' about, what are you implying?
    Are you calling me GAY.................... 'buddy'?........... :mad2:....:bash:
     
  15. ***CENSORED***

    ***CENSORED*** Master Guru

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    C'mon keep it comin'
     

  16. guru496

    guru496 Guest

    Ok guys here is Numba 14

    #14: Rapjam Volume One

    Oh Jesus, this one hurts. It's a game starring real-life rap stars, but not doing the things you might be interested in seeing. There's no rapping, no dancing, no booty... it's not even set in the exciting and murderous world of rap music. It's a game about basketball. That's right, in some sort of video game-making joke that went too far, you get to fantasize about being a rapper fantasizing about being a basketball player. To put it in terms you might be able to better understand, but probably pretend not to, it's like when I'm pretending to be TV's hunky Matt LeBlanc having sex with a cantaloupe which we both pretend is Lynda Carter while she's pretending to be SCUBA Wonder Woman.

    [​IMG]
    One amazing feature is that you can have multiple versions of the same rapper on your team. Which means that you can finally create the fantasy basketball dream team of two Coolios and one Queen Latifah.

    The game is as bad as the idea behind it. In fact, I think Kris Kross: Make Your Own Video feels more like basketball. But the most tragic thing about Rapjam is this: they put "Volume 1" right in the title as if anyone would want to play an entire series of sports games starring people who don't know how to play them. There's "overly ambitious" and then there's "****ing retarded." Needless to say, Rapjam Volume 2: Laker Girls Frisbee Golf Explosion was never released, and the spinoff series, Fat-Free Cooking Adventures with History's Greatest Submarine Captains, Volume 1 still remains a distant dream.

    [​IMG]
    DJ Jazzy Wannabe takes it to the hole on MC Delusional and Grandmaster Dumbass.

    Graphics: 2/10
    Queen Latifah looks like a 130 pound Mexican boy, and Coolio looks like that boy's white girlfriend. That's especially inexcusable because how hard is it to make a graphic look like Coolio? You draw a guy and then draw a black octopus on his head. Six year olds could draw you a picture of Coolio. And Coolio, maybe becoming the star of a video game is a status symbol in your rap world, but not when you play a white girl.

    Fun: 1/10
    If Bob Hope released a rap video from the device that keeps him from turning into the walking dead, rappers would consider it an insult to the art of rap. That's the same sense of outrage anyone who's ever played basketball, a video game, or music should feel about Rapjam, Volume 1.

    Feelings of Inadequacy: 8/10
    We already live in a world where Coolio has a bigger pool, a faster car, and knows 22 words more than I do that rhyme with "dead policeman." Now I have to imagine a world where he can do a front flip 360 dunk over Queen Latifah? How inadequate does Coolio want me to feel? I'll get him for this.
    []
     
  17. ***CENSORED***

    ***CENSORED*** Master Guru

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    Well...anymore?
     
  18. RB3006

    RB3006 Guest

    Dont leave us hangin
     
  19. Santiego

    Santiego Guest

    I'm going for a dump, there'd better be some more when I get back or there'll be trouble my son

    :D
     
  20. Grov

    Grov Guest

    Red Faction has to be there, it just has to.:rolleyes:
     

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