Need Some Advice - Young Friend wants to have a defacto relationship with his girl

Discussion in 'The Guru's Pub' started by Clawedge, Jan 11, 2018.

  1. Clawedge

    Clawedge Ancient Guru

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    My youn friend who is 19 wants to have a live in relationship with his girlfriend who is also 19.

    they both finished high school only, no proper qualifications. No proper income either and girls family is not exactly agreeing on this.

    any suggestions?
     
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  2. sverek

    sverek Ancient Guru

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    Defacto relationship is not a marriage. Nothing wrong with it, as far as they manage to have protective sex.
    Girls family will be against it at least until your young friend finds a job. No wonder there.

    Problem starts, when they decide to life together. Who gonna pay for what, who responsible for who or what?
    They need to find a job and sustain themselves before living together. If he doesn't have experience living on his own, it's bad idea to live together with someone from a start.
    I'd highly recommend to live "alone" for an year, get job, get independent from parents and then consider living with a girl.

    Anyway, if its just a matter of dating a girl and meeting her once a week, sure, go on. Just tell him to be careful when banging her.
    Otherwise, tell him he needs to be able to take care of himself, before taking a girl under his wing.
     
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2018
  3. Clawedge

    Clawedge Ancient Guru

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    exactly what i told him, but he wont listen, he still says he want to live with her. am i just wasting my time?

    his mum told him the same thing
     
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  4. sverek

    sverek Ancient Guru

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    I think I was in similar position. Yeah, young mind is unstable and totally not thinking straight.

    Don't pressure him too much, just tell he needs to be able to stand on his own. He will understand it sooner or later.
    Also tell him that patience pays off. Might help him to understand.
     

  5. TaskMaster

    TaskMaster Master Guru

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    I'd say just leave him be. You've done all you can and if he falls on his butt, well he'll just need to pick himself up!
     
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  6. adabiviak

    adabiviak Master Guru

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    Are they otherwise foregoing plans to set themselves up for their respective futures? In principle, who cares? In practice, if they're skipping college or something for this, that's a little weird.
     
  7. fantaskarsef

    fantaskarsef Ancient Guru

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    He'll see that this idea is not the best of them all once he moves in with her and breaks up 6 months afterwards, when she's pregnant and they're out of money and luck.
    You can't talk much sense into most 19 year olds.
     
  8. jbscotchman

    jbscotchman Maha Guru

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    Let them do what they want. If it works out great, but if not it's just a learning experience.
     
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  9. Clawedge

    Clawedge Ancient Guru

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    hey thanks for all the feedback guys, appreciate it, yeah i had a chat with them, gave them reasonable advice, told them to think ahead, and i have let them be. will see how it goes, thanks
     
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  10. Lex Luthor

    Lex Luthor Master Guru

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    Just love him. He will do whatever he does and I've learned to be careful as you sure don't want to push him away from you.
     
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  11. jbmcmillan

    jbmcmillan Ancient Guru

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    A lot of truth to this you have given the advice you can now it's just a wait and see how it plays out.
     
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  12. Loobyluggs

    Loobyluggs Ancient Guru

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    Yah, they should go to a technical college and learn a trade, if learning the classics is of no interest to them.

    Plumbers, Electricians, Carpenters, Brick laying - plenty of well-paying choices out there at tech college.

    You know them, we don't; what is it they like to do?
     
  13. airbud7

    airbud7 Ancient Guru

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    When two people are in love nothing can stop it!... they will even turn their back on you if you interfere...love is a process...some relationships last a few weeks While others last forever...

    Wish I could buy the book on that.
     
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  14. JaxMacFL

    JaxMacFL Maha Guru

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    Tell him to watch Judge Judy. People on there all the time wanting her to sort out their mess. Playing house and buying cars together then six months later HELP. There are laws for sorting property for married couples but not 'wannabe' couples that play house.
     
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  15. airbud7

    airbud7 Ancient Guru

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    Sorry if OT but have any of y'all seen the movie what love is?



    Yep^...I played house with this gal one time and it was great till one day she got mad and threw my water bong at me and it crashed right above my head!

    Dam I miss that Bong.
     
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2018
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  16. IcE

    IcE Don Snow Staff Member

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    Yup. Love can make people do objectively dumb things. I've been there. I knew what I was doing was dumb but didn't care, and even when it blew up I looked back on the explosion fondly.
     
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  17. airbud7

    airbud7 Ancient Guru

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    well said IcE^ ...sometimes hormones take over and well?
     
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  18. sykozis

    sykozis Ancient Guru

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    What most kids think is love, turns out to be nothing more than lust. Most kids get caught up in the feelings and want to rush into crap with no understanding of life. At the same time, most are too stupid to listen to what people tell them. I've found the problem can extend well into the 20's for some people...
     
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  19. konta

    konta Member Guru

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    whats the worst that can happen? let em be

    they shack up, they fight, they brake up, life goes on... i did that when i was 19 or 20, ended after 6 months :D and i even had a semi decent job it just didnt work out but oh boy did we think it will...

    i never quit university tho, im an engineer today with a very decent prospects...

    on the crazy side, they might even make it, if they work together and actually fit together they might accomplish great things by doing this, if more likely they dont, it will be a valuable life lesson which will help them further in life knowing what to look for when selecting a partner to live with... you think you wont mind some things until you do, like very much, to the point they become dealbreakers...

    nothing really replaces personal experience, i suggest to all of ya youngsters to make your mistakes while you are young, costs less that way ;)
     
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  20. airbud7

    airbud7 Ancient Guru

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    in another words....> she had a nice rack!...and you could not get any sleep with those puppies around to play with...good times for sure

    big boobs are fun to play with.
     
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2018
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