Need some advice on a sticky situation...

Discussion in 'The Guru's Pub' started by kanej2007, Dec 5, 2012.

  1. kanej2007

    kanej2007 Ancient Guru

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    It's a VERY tough decision to take, whatever happens. Whether we go ahead & leave or we forget the whole thing. The girl will be heartbroken & continue to suffer. As for myself I will also feel guilty for leaving her to get on with her life, knowing she will end up in tears & continue to live being depressed & ill treated.

    The way her parents treat & talk to her makes my blood boil, makes me so angry.
     
  2. stone-eye

    stone-eye Master Guru

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    Can you get any advice from the british Embassy? Perhaps they can at least advise on your legal standing in all of this especially if you do go ahead and they claim kidnap.
     
  3. ground_zero298

    ground_zero298 Master Guru

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    If you truly love her, keep working on it. To many people walk away now a days because something is to hard to work at.

    On the other hand, a 23 year old person that is raised by fear and control might not function properly taken out of the situation. If you take her, she might try to return, she could get depressed, she might get mad at you for making her parents hate her. Just pointing out that their will be other issues to deal with once you get her away.
     
  4. kanej2007

    kanej2007 Ancient Guru

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    Hmm, possibly. But HOW can they claim kidnap if their daughter simply left the house at her own will? If we leave the country they will not know where we have gone. Even if they did it will be impossible to find us.

    Even if they go through so much trouble & find us, what can they do? Their daughter left because she wanted to. She married me because she wanted to.

    She is not being forced to leave or marry. She is 23+ and she should have the right to think for herself, make her own decisions & live with who she wants to.

    In the UK, there are rights, if we are married, it's not like her family can take her by force & bring her back to Dubai.

    A family like this who raise kids badly to the point they are living in fear don't deserve to raise a family.

    Her family have the right to speak to their kids, advise them and say what they think is right. Under any circumstance should they force their kids on what to do, think, wear, etc.
     

  5. nhlkoho

    nhlkoho Ancient Guru

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    She needs to move out of the country. Easy as that. I've read so many stories on the news of parents from that part of the world killing their kids because the kids disrespected them.
     
  6. kanej2007

    kanej2007 Ancient Guru

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    I highly doubt she will get depressed or miss her family. She told me several times her parents have always been the same from day one. She has NEVER been close with her family or shown much love & care. She has only been raised to fear her parents & she has no say in anything. It will continue this way regardless of the age of the girl.

    She will not get mad at me for her parents since it was HER who decided to leave the country should it not work out. She has suffered for 23 years, how much more does she need to take?

    Whenever we are together there is nothing but happiness & company. She actually smiles, talks & appreciates I am there, showing her love & care, not fear like her parents show her.

    My GF phoned me a few hours ago for a simple conversation, just to say hi & ask about me.

    She was on the train as I heard the speaker saying what the next station was. Anyway, she was with her brother obviously since she is not allowed to leave home alone.

    I asked her where she was going. She said to collect her wages for the part time work she has done over the last couple of months. I laughed & said good, be a good girl & try not to spend all your money, try to save some.

    She laughed and said, what money? You think the money is for me? No, my parents will take the money from me. If & when I need some money they will give me some.

    This in my opinion is completely wrong. The girl SHOULD be advised & told by her family that she should try to save the money & spend it wisely.

    If they were GOOD parents they would tell her this, not take her money & hold it for her.

    The girl is 23, not 16. If she wants to spend the money, let her be. If she wants to save it, then good on her. What right do her parents have or taken her hard earned money???
     
  7. anticupidon

    anticupidon Ancient Guru

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    whatever move you make it will open a different can of worms.
    either you decide to take it with her or leave her with her life.
    remember,familiy is something that comes first and she is bound to her parents ,even if they are mean to her.she could develop stockholm syndrome and think about you as the bad guy.
    more,her parents won´t just sit around and accept that a stranger took their daughter.i bet on that
    are you ready to accept the aftermath ?

    now, i know that this is internet and my experience will not solve your problem and i should focus on your problem ,not in telling mine,but escuse me for saying that:
    when i knew my wife she was in almost similar position,she barely had money to buy shoes and she always was the pretty girl with worst clothes in all high school,and her parents treated her kinda bad and controlling every move she did.
    her mother was at first very mean to me,i was a metal head with long hair ,leather jacket&boots and her family are convinced christians.just imagine...
    but i kept on doing my thing,and when she run out from their house ,out of the country,they turned to me but i didn´t knew nothing.
    she just ran away from everything,she was on the edge.
    i found her,talked.we cleared things out,i got the bull by the horns,married her and now we are happy.
    the parents respect me now more than i can even imagined.
    sometimes,you just need to be the man,i suppose
    but remember,everything has a price.
     
  8. eclap

    eclap Banned

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    well said. time to snap out of it!
     
  9. eclap

    eclap Banned

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    dude, after reading more of this I have to agree with your dad. move on. plenty more fish in the sea. You're young, get out there and have some fun. this is NOT worth it. simple as that. I know you won't do it though.
     
  10. kanej2007

    kanej2007 Ancient Guru

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    Many thanks, your post was great to read since you was in a similar situation. I'm glad it worked out in the end.

    Your right with regards to the family, they are important but sometimes you have to go with your gut & choose the one you love over family. As you said in the future they may accept the fact you took the girl, married her & were a man of your words.

    Your wife is lucky to have you . :)

    Your right, but it's hard to turn down someone you love & have feelings for.

    Nevertheless it's still early & there is time to see what happens in the next couple of weeks/months...

    However, the option of saving up, going abroad & marrying her is VERY tempting...
     

  11. Darkest

    Darkest Ancient Guru

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    If she's so terrified of her parents, what's to say she wont side with them if they make kidnapping claims and/or turn up with the police? It'd be worse again if that happened while you were trying to board a plane with last minute tickets. It sounds like a royal mess to me.

    I'd say she needs to make the lions share of effort here, and prove to you that she's willing to take the chance. Don't flee the country with her, have her move in and agree to go with you to alert the authorities that you believe the family is dangerous and will make false claims. Have her back you up with that. Make her go to you, otherwise you're just presenting yourself as a way to escape, and a potential scape goat should things go wrong.
     
  12. kanej2007

    kanej2007 Ancient Guru

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    Your absolutely right. This is why I told her it's far better if she has a job, ANY job.

    Her contract finishes this week & she will be sitting at home 24/7.The door will be locked so she will not be able to leave the house.

    So yes it's risky & difficult should she be stuck at home. At least if she has a job, I can book the tickets & simply collect her from work & take the next plane that leaves.

    She will no way side with her parents with regards to kidnapping as it clearly isn't.

    I am leaving & so is she. Clearly no one is being kidnapped since we both made the decision to leave.

    Even if her family complain saying her daughter has been kidnapped it's not like they will search the entire world for a girl. At most they will search locally.

    Plan is for the girl to call her parents shortly after she is married and explain to them the reason she left, and that it was THEIR fault she left.

    Should her family of been easy minded & respected what their daughter wanted shre wouldn't of left in the first place.

    Straight up her parents are to blame for any action this girl takes.

    My GF told me that some time ago her mother said that a dog lead should be used to keep the daughter indoors should she wish to go out, what kind of parent says that to their child?
     
  13. eclap

    eclap Banned

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    sorry, but what are you? 10? when is this marriage supposed to happen? how much time between you disappearing together and that phone call? seriously, you're obsessed with something that just isn't there. move on.
     
  14. Kenpomasta

    Kenpomasta Member Guru

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    This ^^^

    -While I agree that the pursuit of happiness is a legitemate cause, I think your brain chemicals got a hold of your common sense and you are building a recipe bound to disaster.
    I, myslef coming from an north african, muslim, arabic, moroccan background. Let me give you an advice, you are on good books with her father, get your reputation stronger with her family and keep pushing for marriage, be persistent and sincere. While I think their massive lack of respect or common sense and value of education on their children, they will always love eachother no matter what. Don't get in the middle of their relationship as a family, afterall you are a stranger.

    TLDR, be persistent and respectful towards her family, pushing for marriage while being patient, if you think you cant do that move on.
     
  15. scipio

    scipio Ancient Guru

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    You can't lock someone in a house isn't there a fire code there making that illegal?
     

  16. eclap

    eclap Banned

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    it's not like they're going to physically lock her in. she's just not allowed to go out.
     
  17. airbud7

    airbud7 Ancient Guru

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    Its Called Love...Love can climb any mountain/or it can piss you off...Theres no rule book...

    Good Luck, kanej2007:cheers:
     
  18. kanej2007

    kanej2007 Ancient Guru

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    True, however, say that to her parents...

    Surprisingly they DO physically lock her in, she cannot go out unless she jumps out the balcony. Doing so will break both her legs & back...

    This is why I told her to get her house key copied. She is in a taxi on the way to cut the key as we speak. :D

    Well said airbud. I will wait patiently several months & see if I get any good news from her parents with regards to engagement.

    Should this happen then well & good. Otherwise option 2 will be to take her to another country & engage...
     
  19. eclap

    eclap Banned

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    I just can't believe that you're thinking about engagement. you hardly know this person. not enough to think about marriage, anyway.
     
  20. kanej2007

    kanej2007 Ancient Guru

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    I've known her for around 6 months. Thinking about engagement for now, marriage later on...
     

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