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" Lets talk about sex " 18+ only

Discussion in 'The Guru's Pub' started by cartdog, Jul 9, 2007.

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  1. Finchwizard

    Finchwizard Don Apple

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    Just remember 1 thing.

    When they say they are Ribbed for her pleasure, turn it inside out, now they are ribbed for yours.

    =)
     
  2. Food

    Food Banned

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    i was looking at your avatar while reading your reply and dunno why i bursted into laughters because i immagined : "You will die in your sleep for not licking a vagina" :D looooool

    in the bible you can read that God took a rib from Adam and made a woman.
    being Ribbed means taking back your extra rib and sending back that ugly excuse for a woman back to hell :devil:
     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2007
  3. Classic Satch

    Classic Satch Banned

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    This is the second time tonight I almost showered my monitor with beer lol. Hmm, maybe I should do just that and it will give me an excuse to tell the wife I need a 24" LCD.....
     
  4. Food

    Food Banned

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    24" LCD goodness ftw :D

    [​IMG]
     

  5. Sprecker

    Sprecker Ancient Guru

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    I didn't know there were that many clueless people in this forum. Just kidding. I knew. I just find it funny that so many of them are just so willy nilly about it. Makes me feel good to know where I stand.
     
  6. Ant

    Ant Don Michael Corleone

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    This is the funniest damn thread I read in a while... still clearing up the coffee!
     
  7. AlecRyben

    AlecRyben Ancient Guru

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    Fresnel lenses rule! :)
    They are great for enlarging screens - i use one for making my 22 Inch CRT into a 50 inch flight simulator screen. ;)
     
  8. Flukester

    Flukester Banned

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    roflmao so true! but you know, I don't even do that to my wife anymore, cuz I think she fakes it and then fake-wakes up startled. She gets her thrill and I lose out on the rest. After you get married, sex takes the back door, especially after you have a few kids. Now my wife just says :finger:
     
  9. Kirkyl

    Kirkyl Maha Guru

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    Going down on a girl is great infact apart from getting it on i always go downstairs to give the lady lips a more personal touch and lick.

    I also have a foot fetish but every girl i've dated hate people touching their feet sigh.:(
     
  10. GSB

    GSB Maha Guru

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    Life is good when you're going with a hottie that likes sex :banana:

    on the other hand it is hell when the reverse is true :argue:


    aint it
     

  11. Flukester

    Flukester Banned

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    I personally think when women get married to someone that is well off, Sex is no longer a necessity to them. They did what they needed to to please their man and now they have the comfort of being married and secure why the F do they have to do anything anymore. Whats interesting is a man can go to work (assuming wife is at home) and when you get back the world was hell for the mother but work life to them is a getaway for the guy. I always have a problem with this at night when I hear the excuse "I'm tired". Bahahaa that just kills me. When a man gets married I think sex shifts to the computer screen and your left or right hand and that's why porn will never disappear from the net. Take my wife for example, I go out get her coffee, ice cream and chauffeur her around to her family etc. All of it to her is a 'given' and taken for granted. No appreciation for my nice thoughts and gestures. We wonder why men get the urge to cheat on their wives... :idea:
     
  12. JACK4HIRE

    JACK4HIRE Ancient Guru

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    I'm not Dr. Phil but here is a place you may start at to try and solve your marital problems. Read the book 'His Needs, Her Needs'.

    A woman’s 5 basic emotional needs:

    1) Affection
    2) Family Interaction
    3) Financial Support
    4) Conversation
    5) Open and honest communication

    If you are not meeting her needs in any one of these 5 areas then why should you expect her to meet any of your 5 basic emotional needs?

    1) Sexual gratification
    2) An attractive spouse
    3) Domestic support
    4) Recreational Companionship
    5) Edification

    Of course there is no hard and fast rule about whom in the relationship (man or woman) will have these needs so you may have to do some homework.

    If your wife or husband is not meeting your needs there is a strong possibility that you are not meeting one of their needs.
     
  13. Flukester

    Flukester Banned

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    roflmao! yeah!

    1) I give affection when I get affection. It's a 2 way street.
    2) I am always doing something with my son, not keeping him in the house and I play with him on the computer and he comes/goes with me everywhere. I do lots of things around the house that shes incapable of performing. Might be cuz she watches her soaps all day and catches up on whole seasons of shows she couldn't watch.
    3) She spends my money literally how ever she wants and even against my wishes on garbage and even lends money to her mother.
    4) We converse plenty.
    5) I am always truthful however I can label the times I've been lied to. I've always had something against lying. She can't handle when I am totally honest in fact she kicks up a fuss every time.

    Dr Phil is a joke imo, thanks for posting that though, gave me a nice chuckle. Marriage is marriage and imo, women take advantage of it. They know one way or another they win and there is dick you can do about it. Some guys are lucky others are stuck.
     
  14. MrOuija

    MrOuija Ancient Guru

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    I think number 3, Financial support, is at least 50 years outdated. I know plenty of guys who depend on their girl for finacial support nowadays. Saying that is like saying women can't take care of their own financial needs like men can. In some point in history that might have been true but certainly not in this age. Ofcourse there are always the golddiggers, ofcourse.
     
  15. JACK4HIRE

    JACK4HIRE Ancient Guru

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    All very true. My 1st and 2nd wives were just bad apples. Both were lying money grubbing whores but then again I chose them and foolishly made babies with the 2nd one.

    I'm married now to a woman who takes good care of me and who wants me to take good care of her.

    Maybe you should read the book anyway you never know it may help. It helped me.

    You should also read 'The Man or Steel and Velvet'.

    The Dr. Phil thing was just a joke.
     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2007

  16. JACK4HIRE

    JACK4HIRE Ancient Guru

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    Woman’s lib has in my opinion only suppressed a woman’s needs not removed them.

    My opinion has nothing to do with 'if' they can earn a living it has to do with 'do they want to' earn a living.

    The vast majority (80% +) of woman polled state they work because they have to not because they want to.

    I think a man who lives off the sweat of his wife is not a man.

    That statement is flame bait I know.

    I am also aware that I was born 150 years too late. :p
     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2007
  17. Flukester

    Flukester Banned

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    How in hell did you survive 2 divorces? man where I live the guy is literally axed financially! Divorce court where I live is so on the womans side it's mental! I know 2 most excellent guys and they just got raped big time. Evidence against their wives thrown out of court...etc. etc.

    In light of your Dr Phil I had taken it as a joke :ying: . But honestly, outside of my wife pissing me off, I am good to her and treat her well all the time. When the first baby came along sex was cut 90% and with the second one 95% now. When we do have sex I am the one doing literally everything. My longevity doesn't go for that long and after the first eruption she passes out and puts no effort into going round 2. Do you know the last time I saw my wife wear or care about lingerie was before we were married and we were dating? I should have gotten a clue to the future from that eh? to all the men out there, if your GF stops or shows no care for exciting things like that, trust me. RUN!
     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2007
  18. LedHed

    LedHed Banned

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    wear a condom
     
  19. JACK4HIRE

    JACK4HIRE Ancient Guru

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    That sucks man. I f*cking hate soap operas.

    My second wife used sex as a tool to get what she wanted. I am a very financially responsible person and I wouldn't give in to her stupid and whimsical desires so needless to say I didn't get to have sex very much.

    I'm also a fairly devout Christian so finding an outlet somewhere else was not an option for me.

    Confucius says "The woman who puts her man in the dog house will soon find him in a cat house".

    Then again he also said "go to bed with an itchy butt wake up with a stinky finger".

    When I got divorced I decided I would not make the same mistakes I had made before so I started doing as much research as I could into what makes a relationship tick.

    The books I named are just 2 of about 50 books I have read about relationships. They both helped me maybe they can help you.

    Edit: Easily. I just planned carefully before I moved.

    I loved my first wife but I could not get along with her boyfriend. Married a year and a half, no kids and no house to fight over so 60 days after I filed the paperwork we were done.

    The second wife cost me $15,000 and 18 months to get rid of. I planned my exit strategy carefully before I left. I diverted funds over a period of 12 months and started recording every f*cked up thing she said and did.

    She should have known what was coming when I started sleeping on the sofa and stopped sniffing around for sex. Then again she often slept with her mother who was staying at our house 2-3 weeks out of every month. 30 + year old woman who still sleeps with her mom. Getting the picture yet?

    I hired the meanest and nastiest divorce lawyer in Alaska. He ate her and her stupid bitch attorney alive when we finally got to court. It took us almost 12 months to get her into court as she kept filing crazy and stupid motions trying to claim I was abusive and not fit to see the children. ROFL. It was music to my ears to hear the judge start literally yelling at her and her attorney 30 seconds after we entered the court room.

    She knew at that point she was screwed as she had repeatedly perjured herself and the judge knew it.

    He got so tired of her stupid motions that he started just writing 'no' on them instead of giving a reason for the no answer.

    I got everything I had asked for and more.
     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2007
  20. Flukester

    Flukester Banned

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    I'm in my own accepted hell I guess. I do read a lot on the net when she ain't around about how I can better this side of the relationship but they are all dreams I couldn't possibly afford or do. I've tossed divorce around in my mind a million times but not seeing my son(s) would kill me in some ways. Then having to fork over 80% of my salary would leave me without a life. I decided I will continue on and try and hope things get better. Sex is not the end all say all in a relationship for me, but it helps in lots of ways. She is just selfish b1tch that only cares about what interests her. I think though if she saw me with those books, she'd laugh her ass off thinking "ya, he'll get some reading that!". If I were to get divorced, I'd never look at marriage again. Why bother??? P.S. I'm somewhat religious as well and to cheat on my wife is not an option, not unless I was a million miles away :p
     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2007
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