Go workout, go for a run, do something to exercise your body. Get another job part time or something. You're acting like you always have to have a busy schedule. If you're playing games in free time, at least it's not harming anyone. Plenty of druggies out there who harm themselves and others in their free time; so at least you're not doing that lol. But seriously, drop contact with her and move on. Women will say anything. She's basically put you on the backburner, which you can believe whatever you want but it's the truth.
@OP, every relationship is unique and almost never two are the same, but some general lines can be found in every relationship. I was in your place, first love and first serious commitment.It hurt badly and I did things that now I can laugh my arse off.Clingy it was called.Girls can detect that in seconds and instinctively back off. And girls have the natural gift of bullshitting you with nice words and sugarcoat everything and turn the table in their favor.May sound misogynistic, but I don't care. As a married man I can say: Just listen to Coolerking's advice and everything will sort itself out.No point in wreck your brains all day long. After breakups I learned what works: go dancing classes- LOTS of nice, smart girls there, will have so many opportunities to get back into a relationship Also, treat yourself to things you enjoy.A smile attracts another smile and things can lead to new possibilities Libraries are the place where smart girls study and your tech skills may help a damsel in technological peril. And as above said, sports are where tension is burned.And porn.
From the sounds of it, you already know that she lacked trusting you. Deep inside you already know the answer that she did not respect you. What feels like love is not. Like lots of the responses here, move on. Even in the response to my post you pointed out that you were the one making compromises. One sided relationships do not work. Eventually one side throws in the towel because they are tired of making all the compromises. Alone time apart wither with or without friends is very important. Even though the two love each other, they are still individuals. Still need to be able to function rationally while apart. No one but a text book narcissist would accept a relationship where everything revolved around their every whim. Look at what you stated was her response, breach of personal space. I do not think she herself understands how personal space is redefined when love is involved. Or it should signal to you that she did not feel the same way about you as you did for her. Yes, there are still boundaries. Through communication these boundaries are found out over time. That is why when my wife wants something from her purse I just hand the purse to her; even though she has repeatedly told me its ok to dig around in there to get what she wants. I will not do it because I know how frustrated it would make me feel to put everything back just the way I like it. Even when we were *SPAM*, our phones were interchangeable. Cannot tell you how many times we had each other's the next morning and met for lunch to exchange the phones back. The pain is there but it will lessen over time. Stay strong and do your best to stay way from her. Do not even attempt communication on any level. If she is interested she will make the next move. But remember how she views you. If she still will continue to turn the situation around to always making you the bad guy...run. No one deserves that kind of punishment.
I forgot to mention something that I tell a lot of the younger guys who work for me who ask my advice on this stuff: If she is the type to "play games" then ditch her immediately and consider yourself lucky for dodging a bullet. There is no future in a relationship with anyone who plays games, man or women, gay or straight. This includes pretending not to care or manipulating someone into making them desire you more by acting unavailable etc. Games like this are worse than lying and will subliminally count as such in a relationship. A lot of women grow out of this at some point in their 30s but I imagine those probably aren't the women you are going to be interested in at least for awhile. This kind of stuff is for children only and will only result in severe trust and respect issues over time; every time. Make sure the next person you meet and consider for a relationship knows immediately that you will have zero tolerance for this kind of stupid bullshit. It will garner respect as a man and immediately weed out anyone who isn't worth your time by making this clear right off the bat. Don't be a jerk about it just be firm and make confident eye contact when stating this... say it at the end of the meal right before you pay for it and then remain silent for awhile until she says something. You'll know in about 15 whether or not she's worth it. Alright, I think I'm done with this now as I'm starting to feel a little "Dr. Phil-ish"... You sound like you're in a good spot though at least career wise for a 22 year old. Good luck man.
lol I do the same with the missus' purse / bag, she'll tell me to get whatever it is out myself but I always hand it to her instead, even though she quite happily rummages through my desk drawer for stuff she needs
Since i was a gamer myself i would never end up with a gamer girl because i know how cr4ppy that would be. She is always outside. Never wants to stay at 1 place. Thing is she did make a lot of compromises because of me, staying home because i didn't want to go to a lot of parties. But i never did make her stay i just said i don't want to go, but that's the part where she turns it around saying that she felt guilty for going without me so she stayed, therefore making me feel like a bad person because in her defense she was staying with me cuz after she goes to parties without me i feel bad and look bad. But i only started doing that because i lost trust in time with the phone thingy.
Gonna pitch in my 2 cents, skimmed through the other replies so a lot of this has likely been said already but I'll try to "condense" it a bit: - first of all, you feel like s*it right now, that's just how it is I'm afraid. In time it'll go away, trust me, and take your time with it, it's okay to be sad / angry etc. - reading what you wrote, I don't really think either of you were truly "made for each other" after all. Advice: girls who stay out all night "every" night are more interested in doing that than anything else... - which brings me to the next thing: the things she told you are basically "Girls Breaking Up 101" Basic stuff (=lies told when breaking up). No-one breaks up to "save a relatioship" or "so we can get back together later". That's nonsense. - however maybe she tried to spare your feelings by saying those things when in reality she just wanted to move on. - a lot (?) has been said about being self-confident / non-insecure and I agree. I know it's not always easy but you'll get better at it in time / with experience. Also feeling like you need to worry about someone's goings and doings is a warning sign on its own So in short get back up and move on. It sucks and hurts but you live and learn. One last thing: whatever you do, do NOT contact her. That will only make things worse. If she contacts you, don't answer. You can talk it over (much) later if need be. All the best! I won't say try to do different stuff / take your mind of it etc. I know damn well it's impossible atm. But the sooner you "get out" the better.
Ice, you misunderstood what tfam26 was saying, he wasn't talking about PC games but "love games". There's nothing wrong to have a better half who likes to join you while you're playing your favorite PC or console game.
The feel bar is open. What are you having? Life is hard as it is.Let's make it funny, at least.Ice, I'm buying the first round.
The relationship is still too young; the way each further explanation adds to it. Eight months was still in the courtship stage, since trust issues still existed. Sounds like a cool down period was needed and that is what she has provided. Appearance wise she has a lot of maturing to do as well. Stated earlier, trust cannot be earned unless it is given first. She may have been carrying around trust issues from previous relationships. So experience carries its own luggage as well. Also, life is too short to feel guilty about going out with friends when the one you love just wants to veg at home. That is all on her and she needs to work that out within herself. Your feeling sad when she is out having a good time is an issue you need to work out within yourself. My son needs to go see his neurologist and my wife was the only one able to get off this time. I mope around for about a day and then get on with the daily grind. She is the same way. So that feeling is understood but it is something within yourself that needs to be worked out. I have not changed and neither has my wife we both were still like that even when we were *SPAM*. You do not have to like it, but for it to make you lose sleep... The both of you are in the same pot, and she has not matured as much as she thinks she has. If those "fights" were conversations, as stated, one does not walk away and one does not turn the situation around to make the other feel like the bad guy. She, as presented so far, does not seem to handle self-reflection very well. Mature adults own their short comings and do not make excuses for them. Their is a lot to sort out in your head. Get all that sorted out first before making another step. Like has been said many times before, in the mean time go out and have fun. Shut your friends out and you will lose them as well. May sound a bit cliché but if you go out to have fun, you may just happen to have some; even by accident. Life is too short. Suck up the pain and go have some fun. Monday will come soon enough.
Ice, you were all in and she wasn't. No partner goes night clubbing regularly without their significantly other. Sounds like you two were really good friends with benefits until you got too emotionally involved.
Wow this has seriously gotten many responds... tl;dr though, just move on... it's harsh, but you guys will not get together again, and a soft ending only makes the wound heal later. Sorry fellow guru, but I'm afraid you'll have to move on.
It's hard, but it's your first love. There will be more. Rule of thumb going forward. Anyone that says "you should be with other girls" isn't worth your time. If they don't want you, you don't need them. If she cared and truly loved, she'd want to keep you and make it work. It's a bummer, but trust me, in 2 years..you'll hate how much time you wasted being miserable (currently). Keep your head up. You have life. Enjoy it. Don't let someone else need to be in it for it to be a good time for you. PS - it sounds like she wasn't as into you or ready to commit to the relationship.
That's depression. It will go away in time and slowly you'll start to find interest in things again. I speak from experience.
Searching for someone is a mistake. You should never search for your next relationship. If it doesn't come naturally and without effort, it's going to end badly. That's called emotional abuse..... Any woman that makes statements like that, should be avoided at all costs. From what I've read of your posts, it sounds like you were in an unhealthy, if not emotionally abusive relationship. Trust me here. I have 15 years worth of experience with unhealthy relationships between a 14 month relationship that ended with the girl attempting to stab me, then attempting to run me over with her car....and then 8.5 years of marriage (preceded by similar bullshit and followed by a 14 month long divorce) to a woman that's bipolar and narcissistic, followed by another woman that used me for money and the last one that decided after 4 months that the age difference was too much (because she didn't want to admit to cheating on me and thought the age difference was a better excuse). Any woman that decides to end a relationship but claims she wants to "spend the end of her days" with you and "have a future"....is either a narcissistic bitch or she's cheating on you. As someone else said, women are driven by emotions. They typically don't leave someone they actually love, even when their own life is at stake, as that's contrary to their emotions. If someone is in a committed relationship, they don't typically stay out until 5 or 6 in the morning "with friends"..... That's more common of someone who either has a problem with commitment or is unfaithful. Neither of which you want to pursue a relationship with. As for the advise from others.... avoid drinking. Getting drunk doesn't make the pain go away. Trust me. I tried it. It never works. Just results in stupid decisions and future regrets. Instead, find something healthy that you're interested in that has no connection to the failed relationship and pursue that. Agent-01 recommended that I take up exercising when my marriage fell apart. I would make that same recommendation to you. That was probably the single most helpful piece of advise I was given. Exercise results in the release of endorphins, which help ease pain....even emotional pain. Exercise is also good for the body. That said.... move on, don't look back and eventually you'll find the right woman. Just don't ever look for her. The harder you look, the less likely you are to find her.
Don't do Alcohol. Try a nice MMO... the "disconnect and forget" effect is much stronger. You also meet new people ... and occasionally slice their heads with that Level +70 sword
