I don't know what to do...

Discussion in 'The Guru's Pub' started by The Kyle, Sep 12, 2006.

  1. zhackore

    zhackore Ancient Guru

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    If she touches any other guys, then its done and over with. I get very jealous even when my gf tells me of her previous relationships (good thing none of them lasted any time at all). It's the point of no re-turn but man I feel so bad for you tihs **** sucks especially to a buddy on the forums.

    One of my childhood buddies just had his gf of 5 years walk. She went to a club one night and found this guy, and dumped my buddy the next day.

    Pretty much his entire highschool years were this girl +1 year in university.
    His memory is going to remember that for the rest of his life.

    In terms like that I dont know what I'd do. His solution was to bang as many girls as he could in a very short period of time. I didn't like it his decision but whatever works right?
     
  2. The Kyle

    The Kyle Banned

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    I talked to her today again. I sent her a very long email last night explaining to her everything I felt and everything I needed to know. I told her I missed her and loved her more everyday and that I would try to let it effect me less everyday because she didn't feel the same. She said, "no that's not true, I still miss you and I still love you". When I asked her if it was because she has someone else in mind or had already been with someone and was just making the move now, she said that was just not true either.

    So if she still loves me to some extent, still misses me, still cares for me, is dealing with issues causing us to not work right now, and is not interested in another guy,

    why shouldn't I try to show her how much I love her, how much she loves me, how good we can be, and how we can make it work?

    This is the first time I've ever felt like "no, this just doesn't feel like it helps anything, I can't let this sit". Maybe she needs time alone for now, but I'm going to do everything I can to show her what we can be.

    We were never big about random gifts. Maybe a few things here and there. Anyway, I just had this

    [​IMG]

    sent to her work with

    <3
    -Kyle

    as the message. I don't know what else I should do just yet but this doesn't feel right and I know somewhere deep down inside there still is a flame for me. She told me so.

    I'm not giving up just yet after stepping back and re-evaluating the whole situation. If there's anything I can do. I will do it.
     
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2006
  3. Owlsphone

    Owlsphone Master Guru

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    Good for you. It's obvious to me now that she's doing exactly what my girlfriend did. It's not about being with other people, it's about figuring something (god knows what) out on her own. Hopefully after this she can realize that she can figure things out with your support instead of having to close you off.

    The flowers are nice...now you just have to sit back and wait. I wouldn't do anything else or you'd not appear to be giving her the space she wants. If she does feel the same way about you, she'll be back and more appreciative of you than ever.
     
  4. zenkmander

    zenkmander Master Guru

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    I agree, maybe you should just let it rest for now or she might start seeing you as dependent/desperate. I know that's a harsh, pessimistic thing to say, but it's sorta part of human nature to have those feelings and thoughts as well, right? ;)
     

  5. Sash

    Sash Ancient Guru

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    see what happens if you get in a serios relationship? some people never learn... tsk tsk
     
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2006
  6. ROBSCIX

    ROBSCIX Ancient Guru

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    First running right back and sending her flowers was the WRONG thing to do. You will believe what your HEART wants you to believe even though your MIND knows better..wake up.
     
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2006
  7. Food

    Food Banned

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    that was very short IMHO :D
     
  8. bigpipe

    bigpipe Watson Guru

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    Kyle, leave her alone for awhile, if she loves you she will be back.
    Your only 22 don't make it soo final yet...relax.
    Try to take your mind off it....
    this would be a good time to
    call that friend of hers that left the sexy pics on your computer:boob:
     
  9. Martys Web

    Martys Web Don Santino Corleone

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    The Kyle for thousands of years men have dealt with this problem by getting even. The best way to do that is to get close to her best friend and then start dating her best friend. It will drive her crazy and it's fun for you as long as her best friend is hot...
     
  10. ROBSCIX

    ROBSCIX Ancient Guru

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    YES! I am with Bigpipe....if she knows your just waiting then she can take her time...and she knows you will be happey to take her back..if she know there is another girl on your trail she may second guess herself if it possible..But yeah back off...that is the best advice if you don't you will only push her farther away...call up that girl say you bored and want somebody to talk to..you don't have to do anything bad or imply you interested in any type of relationship...women are VERY territorial...
     
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2006

  11. The Kyle

    The Kyle Banned

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    Alright. So I'm going to try to explain this the best way I can.

    We were both wrong.

    To start off, no, she's not wanting space to find another guy. She's going to school for film and animation and with how far away we are apart, it's effecting her grades and in turn, her future. The reason she did this over the phone was because *ding* *ding* *ding*, she still loves me and had to take the weak way out without doing it face to face. The thing is, I was confused as to what love was. Two years ago we became friends. We were friends, and became great friends, and then best friends over about 2-3 months. We thought what was next was being in a relationship. It just dawned on me today after 2 years, no, all I wanted from her was to be her best friend. It's a little different now that we trust each other. We agreed that we could sit and watch a movie together and cuddle (in a completely non sexual way). This won't work in any other situation, but honestly, I never really wanted to hardcore romantic crap. I really just wanted to hang out. I always wanted a little more in that area. Like a girl to care for me in that feminine way. She just couldn't really do that for me. So the love we have for each other I realize now wasn't true love...it was friendship love. So in turn, I'm realizing, no, I've never been in true love. This was the closest thing to that, but it was just not all the way there.

    So I asked myself, "what happens when she get's a new bf?". Sure, it will hurt a little but but I can say in all honesty, it hurts me more to think she will get with the wrong guy then to think she will be with a nice guy(which I want to help make sure happens). She also told me that she will feel the exact same way when I find someone else, but she would rather help me find the right person than the wrong one.

    This is all I want and she couldn't agree more. I'm finally at peace with myself.

    (if years from now we are stablized and something happens again, I don't see why I wouldn't give it another try, because we could. We just need to understand ourselves more before that could ever happen. With that said, it's out of my mind until that day arrives, if ever, because after this, I couldn't do it now, it would have to be years from now)
     
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2006
  12. zenkmander

    zenkmander Master Guru

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    It's good that you came to that conclusion. You came to it, right? She didn't tell you that's what it was, did she? Don't mean to reignite an old flame or whatever, but the power of persuasion can be strong. :D
     
  13. The Kyle

    The Kyle Banned

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    I came to this conclusion completely seperate. I explained this conclusion to her hoping it was what she wanted too, and was very eagerly agreed with.If it wasn't true, there's no way 90% of the pain I had would just vanish. Best friends...I felt so 2nd grade asking her that question, but we seemed to be completely on the same page.
     
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2006
  14. zenkmander

    zenkmander Master Guru

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    Okay, that's good. The sooner you relinquish those feelings of bondage the better. And by bondage I mean restraint, not some kind of fetish. Time to get back in the hunt and/or focus inwards. :)
     
  15. The Kyle

    The Kyle Banned

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    Funny thing is, a few hours after changing my myspace profile to single, 3 girls I'm friends with(but haven't seen much since I was in a relationship) send me messages asking me what's up and wanting to hang out. Coinsidence? Who knows, but it's still funny.
     

  16. zenkmander

    zenkmander Master Guru

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    Yup, that's great whether it's coincidental or not, good for you. :D I'm assuming you'll need some time to recuperate, but at least you know there are those few chicks who are interested and willing to get to know you better when the time comes. Life is good.
     
  17. Shex

    Shex Ancient Guru

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    Just by reading that, it sounds like your not really GF/BF more like "bestfriends".

    I mean from

    to

    anyway, I hope things work out for the best :)
     
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2006
  18. The Kyle

    The Kyle Banned

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    Exactly. I'm not really interested. I'm going to use this time to figure out what I want out of life. But it is a definate ego boost.
     
  19. T1tan

    T1tan Ancient Guru

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    i know exactly what your going through, you cant just STOP loving or liking a person.. girls they mess with us that way.. happend to me to many times. Life is life, it sucks alot sometimes
     
  20. ROBSCIX

    ROBSCIX Ancient Guru

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    Yes, you seem to change your mind rather quickly about what she means to you etc..you need to figure out what you want and she seems to take her cues about what to say from you...you tell her what you want to hear....Don't let her snow you man...remember that... it seems like you believe whatever she say's and that is unfortunate....I hope it works out for you...I know you have feelings for her but use your head in this one.
    I hope I am wrong about this. Good luck with your life.
    There are many more fish in the sea...very cliche but very true...
     

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