I don't know what to do...

Discussion in 'The Guru's Pub' started by The Kyle, Sep 12, 2006.

  1. The Kyle

    The Kyle Banned

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    After nearly 2 and a half years, my gf out of no where told me she wants to see other people. Long story short, (I don't need to get into any private details) I said that if that was the case, she could never ever come back to me and I don't know how long it would be until I could just be her "friend" if ever. So if she wanted to look for something new, the cost would be basically never seeing or hearing from me again. For both of us, this meant losing our best friend since 90% of our friends had moved away leaving us very alone. She has alot of issues that I obviously won't get into, but the fact is that I think she was looking for something to solve or at least take her mind of her problems. Her last boyfriend did it for 6 months or so and she got bored. I know I am one of the best guys she's ever going to find, so I obviously took her mind off them for over five times that. But in the end, the only person that can fix your problems is yourself. She's basically got me caught up in all of her other problems and since I'm the easiest change, I'm gone. My sister just broke up with her bf on the same day. She's one to always state the complete truth and it was her opinion that if her bf was half the person I was to my gf, she would have never let him go ever.

    So ok. I can conclude that I personally did everything I could in this relationship, but after being rejected by one of the only people that knows you that well and that you trust that much, it's nearly impossible to not feel completely and utterly worthless(even though I know I truely am not).She told me she stilled "liked" me and cared for me deeply, but my responce was that if at this given moment, unless it was love, I didn't want anything from her again, so if you ever come back, there won't be anything for you here.

    This may sound conceited, but honestly, I've never been dumped by anyone I cared about this much in my life. The internal struggle is literally killing me. I've seen what it was like to have to deal with something like this and I always thought to myself that I would never let it affect me as much as it did others. But honestly, it feels like I'm being even more exaggerated that what I've seen. Literally more painful that anything I've ever experienced before. I know everyone has gone through this at some time or another and I know eventually everything will fall into place, but I really don't know how to deal with it now. What makes it even worse is that I know anywhere from 3 days to 4 weeks from now, she's going to call me and tell me she make a huge mistake. I know her too well and I would be willing to put my life savings on that bet. But after she had made her initial decision, I made mine, which was to never let her back into my life. So I was asking myself wtf is the point of starting to heal when I'm basically going to start from scratch after hearing what I had wished to be true at a point where it is too late to accept.

    I don't want pity or sorrow. I refuse to goto some high payed shrink who doesn't really care about my issues. I just want to know how I can deal with this right now, because I haven't eaten in 2 days. I refused to call out of work. That's just too irresponsible, but after making it through about 90% of my shift, uncontrable tears starting pouring from my eyes and I had to leave. I wasn't exactly crying. I kept myself completely composed but it's like a little bit of the emotion starting leaking out without me even noticing until it looked like someone threw a bucket of water on my face. I can't let that happen when I'm doing graphical work with customers or they will think I'm looney. I need to take control of it sooner rather than later. I should probably be asking this somewhere else but I trust a large amount of you guys and lately, I don't have much of anyone else to turn to...
     
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2006
  2. MrFox

    MrFox Master Guru

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    I really hate to be harsh but you need to continue with your life if you ponder on this too much it will stuff up your life even more. It will take you ages to trust someone again but hopefully you will find someone good enough for you. I dont know what else to say I hope it doesnt sound to harsh or insensitive.
     
  3. The Kyle

    The Kyle Banned

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    I completely understand. I tell myself this too. The fact is I've done enough pondering and I feel like I'm free of any regret. But the question I'm searching for is how the **** do I speed up the process. I have things to do :p. I obviously can't be stuck in doors, so I'm trying to keep myself busy and around people who I like. Beyond that though, I'm a noob at this...

    Where's morketh, he seems to be good at this :D.
     
  4. shodai

    shodai Ancient Guru

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    I was in pretty much the same situation two years ago, and I never got that call. No idea why it happened, even after thinking about it nearly all this time. As far as I know, there is no way to speed it up. It's going to hurt for a long time and there is really nothing you can do about it in the long run.
     

  5. Shex

    Shex Ancient Guru

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    The best way is to keep yourself busy, go out alot just use up all your free time. That way you'll keep your mind off things especially your gf... trust me I've gone through the same thing took me awhile before using this strategy :p, other than that all depends on how well you take it cus the process can be long... =/

    It's funny thats the exact what i said when my ex-gf did the same...
     
  6. scipio

    scipio Ancient Guru

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    Get really drunk and feel sorry for yourself, then the next day pick yourself up and move on with life. Only time can heal your heart.
     
  7. The Kyle

    The Kyle Banned

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    I had a few beers last night. Was attempting to get drunk, but I suddenly thought to myself, **** this and stopped. After dating her for 2 and a half years, and now only less than 24 hours after the whole thing, I feel alot better than I thought I would. The slight problems is that we were both huge into tons of music, so pretty much any song I put on reminds me of her. I need some new music...

    Honestly though, the more I talk to friends/family/gurus, the better I feel. So I truely appreciate any words.
     
  8. Woodmasterfox

    Woodmasterfox Ancient Guru

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    You need to drop that bitch and get on with it. Girls only make your life difficult, and thats the truth. I dated almost every girl on the dance team at my school (all of them very pretty), and all the girls from the physics club (all of them very smart) and every single one of them tried to mess up my life.

    Girls are bad news man. I don't know how old you are, but wait until you can date a woman, and then find a good wife.
     
  9. The Kyle

    The Kyle Banned

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    I'm on the virge of the age where most people start growing up, but then again, alot of them don't for another 10 years. I'm 22.
     
  10. Owlsphone

    Owlsphone Master Guru

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    The healing process is exactly what you're doing right now. The only way to get over something is to face it head on and deal with it. You had to go through all that thinking in order to come to those conclusions that you've come to and already it seems you are doing better. Do you understand what I mean? Thinking about what happened and talking about it is how you'll accept what has happened. I've been through what you're going through and it sucks, but you've even said it yourself, you know it will get better eventually. Just knowing that is cathartic in itself.

    In the words of Joe Dirt, "keep on keepin' on." :)

    Time will heal everything Kyle. Good luck buddy.
     

  11. Kross

    Kross Master Guru

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    I'm 23. Engaged to be married next year. Amy, my fiance, I have known for over 5 years, and we have been together for 3, engaged for close to 1.

    I would like to think I could move on if we didn't get married and broke up, truth is I don't know where I would be or what I'd do.

    Your situation, although something I have never experienced, is something that no one can really accurately understand...every person is different. One thing everyone, including myself, will tell you...life goes on. This is just first of the many huge things that will happen to you in your life. Down the road people you love will pass away. People who you hated will surprise you and will become people you love...and vice versa. Trust me...you just reached the first of many bends in the long road of life.

    Just buckle up and hang on tight...it has been known to be a bumpy ride :)
     
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2006
  12. zhackore

    zhackore Ancient Guru

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    Aww Damn Kyle thats major ass, and I'd be scared ****less if I knew it was coming. But I say, don't lock her out, if you trully believe she'll come back knocking I say let her back in if you believe she is worth it.

    Maybe she just needs some time alone? Maybe she's just experiencing a really wack period in her life and is making a crappy decision as you noted?

    Don't write her off if she is worth it... were the 2 1/2 years with her great? or were they 50/50...
     
  13. Owlsphone

    Owlsphone Master Guru

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    Yeah Zhackore makes a good point. When I was in the situation you're in, I had the same knee jerk reaction. I would have been unable to take her back if she was with another guy. But you know what? She just needed some time to sort her own things out. Sure, I wish that she would have done it with my support, but that was her decision, and it was a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. My girlfriend didn't end up with anyone else and if anything came back with an even greater appreciation for what we were.

    So if she is worth it like Zhackore says, don't completely close her out yet. You're too smart of a guy to stay with someone for all the wrong reasons so I'd be willing to bet that she is worth it...I'm just saying make sure you think things through completely before you make any ultimate decision that will finalize your situation.
     
  14. Estima8tor

    Estima8tor Ancient Guru

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    Your young and have your whole life ahead of you.

    Give her the space she needs and and don't be angry or bitter.

    Like {X}scipio said, only time will heal and there's no speeding it up.

    If she is really the one for you then she will be back. :)
     
  15. zenkmander

    zenkmander Master Guru

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    None of us know this girl, so we can't possibly tell you whether or not to get back with her, that's a decision you'll have to make on your own. However, when it comes to not thinking about her, a good thing you can do is - as you said - get out of the house and do things you like. If you're feeling really down, maybe you can see a movie that you know will cheer you up, at least a little bit. If your mind's all over the place and you're feeling very anxious, I suggest you go to a place where things are calm and quiet, like a park or just an empty public area and just think, trying to block the negative things that'll try to creep in. Or you could pick up a good book you've been wanting to read and totally immerse yourself in it, wearing a character's shoes instead of your own. And if you have any good close friends, spend some time with them, do things you guys would normally do. If you can, just let 'em know that you broke up with your girlfriend and you're feeling understandably crappy; hopefully, they'll go out of their way to make you feel better. :)
     

  16. Morpheous416

    Morpheous416 Ancient Guru

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    Bingo. She already has been. Though it may not have been in her heart to fully "cheat" on you, she's been leaving your for quite some time in her head and finally got around to telling you.

    Experience is the only way most people finally realize that life is too short to be playing games and sabotaging relationships. But it's truly the only way to learn and it takes pain and scars to build up the strength for a dedicated relationship. You're right about the age factor, most people don't realize this until they are in their 30's this day and age. Not easy at all to find a dedicated person that has yet to "sow their wild oats".


    That's debatable. There are many different types of people in this world, some are independent, dependent, and co-dependent. Some people act like parents in a relationship to their kids, and will 'forgive' someone for walking out on them to sleep with other people. Sex can be a very powerful and personal foundation of feelings in people...thinking that their loved one wants to share themselves with others is not only a stab in the heart, but thru the back as well. Not all of us are willing to be that naive or willing to forgive the pain and bring that person back into our lives. The memories of that person being gone never fade...they say to 'forgive and forget', well one of them is possible, the other is not. You can forgive a person for wanting to live their own life and what they've done to you...but you never forget.

    I live by many standards...one of them, "Fool me once, shame on you....Fool me twice, shame on me".


    Let her go. It's a hard thing to do...but what can work for some, is to get yourself back in the game. Walking away now and turning away from getting to know others would be a waste of your time....time that is NEVER going to come back to you. You seem to have a lot to offer a potential love, don't let that sit for too long.
     
  17. orenda635

    orenda635 Ancient Guru

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    Poor Kyle. You have the worst luck.
     
  18. The Kyle

    The Kyle Banned

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    They were probably 2 of the best years of my life. But I never want to feel like I'm 2nd place when it comes to being loved. If she needs some time to reflect on her life (not go boy crazy), then I can see something working out. But if she wants to go try out some other boys, find out they arn't even close to how I make her feel, then no, I won't take her back. That's just unfair.
     
  19. Shex

    Shex Ancient Guru

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    I agree with you there, I mean aslong as she knows she can try other boys, knowing fully well that you'll accept her back again she will just do it again.
     
  20. ROBSCIX

    ROBSCIX Ancient Guru

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    Well if it was me, I wouldn't let her come back..IF you do then she'll do it again. People treat you how you let them. -so Dr. Phil says anyway! -enough of that. Keep on with things no sense letting your life go down the toilet for some girl. She would love to see you in 6 months and your still a mess. It would be better for her to see you in six months and think to herself my god what did I do..What a mistake I made. Go out clubbing and that man, your only young still..nothing makes you forget a girl fatser than another girl(S)..I like the (S) myself..nothing serious just some fun..I have been there man everything is dark right now...it'll pass..10-15 yrs from now when you have your gorgeouse wife you won't even remeber why you cared in the first place...Make sense? -good luck
    -I must also note that I don't know her or your relationship..Both of you may look back on this and laugh...than agin you may never want to see each other again...sometimes things like this help a relationship. BUT think of the words she used...thats the whole key...she didn't say she wanted to leave you..she said she wanted to see somebody else...so it's been on her mind for awhile...keep that in mind if it goes bad with her new "friend" and she comes running back to you....OF course I could be way off....
     
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2006

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