Gah, I feel stupid for even posting but not sure how to handle this.

Discussion in 'The Guru's Pub' started by Vibe, Aug 29, 2020.

  1. I mean hey if you want to refer to me as Dr. K.S. by all means... :cool: I just know at the rate you're going with medical advice you might have a few STDs of your own :oops::eek:
     
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  2. anticupidon

    anticupidon Ancient Guru

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    [​IMG]

    You all like where this thread is going?
    Let's keep it simple.
    Don't break the rules.
     
  3. insp1re2600

    insp1re2600 Maha Guru

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    no country for old men
     
  4. Ahh fine! :p

    EDIT: yeah... damn good movie... damn good
     
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  5. vbetts

    vbetts Don Vincenzo Staff Member

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    You gotta talk to your partner and your friends. Simple as that.

    As for everyone else, stop acting like children. You're grownups(I assume), act like it.
     
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  6. anticupidon

    anticupidon Ancient Guru

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    @vbetts completely agree with that.
    Act like adults here, this isn't mIRC or Discord or whatever you have.
    Someone has a serious relationship issue to deal with, and also has to live with guilt, shame and fear of retaliation from not so open minded people.
    So yeah, let's do our best, not the opposite.
     
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  7. CrazY_Milojko

    CrazY_Milojko Ancient Guru

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    This is just my oppinion, don't expect everybody to agree with me.

    If the same thing happened to me when I was much younger, let's say in age of 16-25 and (this is very important) I didn't had any future plans with gf you're talking about... tbh with that young and wild state of mind I had backthen I wound't care much, it would be another cool story to share between me and my closest buddies. But for sure I would get tested just for the peace of mind... Had a lots of weird sex situations/location when I was younger, my buddies too and many of these situations were shared between us and not a single thing nothing has ever escaped out of that friendship circle, even some names were mentioned sometimes, but that was it. I had a need to share those situations with them, somehow it's easier when you share some good and bad things with someone, they did the same thing, we talked, laughed... nothing has leaked ever, I'm 100% sure about that. Now after all these years here and there while we're drinking beer and barbecuing somewhere in nature (with our wifes and kids some 10-15 meters away from us of course) we're talking and laughing about these good old times, afterall we know eachother for more than 40 years... Don't know how close you are with your buddies, if you are like I am with mine then it should help to sit down and do some seriuos (this time no drinks involved) talk with them, but only if you are 100% sure nothing will get leaked, so think twice, trice about that and how close are you.

    Now I'll try to give you some serious advice looking from this perspective and years behind me (46)... If you care about that gf of yours and both of you have plans for the future... I think you should talk to her, it's that simple: you care for her and relationship you have => talk. If something like that has happened to me at this age or anytime earlier or later while I am married this thing would literaly eat me alive if I didn't talk about it with mi missus. It'll help for both of you to go and ask for advice from professionals, nothing to be ashamed about, let's say marriage counseling, even if you're not married atm, and then decide if this what happened is worth going any further. But if you care for her and you're sure she cares for you then you should talk to her, no doubt about that. If she can't deal with it and she denies something like that could happen because she knows too well others from the tent that night... sorry buddy, this is not the woman you want beside you for the rest of your lives. But if she accept it happened that girl worths your time and love for sure. If that's the case decision about should you or not involve anothers from the tent is something two of you should decide together. It could make a mess from someones life(s) that's for sure, but make sure you're doing the right thing, after all (if it happens someday) two of you are going to live the rest of your lives next to each other, not in the same house with those people. If both of you decide not to react any further it's fine, you'll put some weight off your shoulders and if both of you are serious enough about your relationship things like this shared between two of you this could only make your relationship stronger.

    Whatever you decide hope it'll end up well for both of you, it's all that matters atm.

    On the other hand if that gf of yours is just another one in the line... think twice before you mess up someone else's life. Even if you decide not to react make sure to talk to someone thrustworthy to put some weight off your shoulders, it'll do no harm. And get tested whatever you decide...

    Sorry for this wall of txt...
     
  8. Not at all, that was well said sir
     
  9. Vibe

    Vibe Master Guru

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    I ended up going with Healthlabs.com and chose the $198 comprehensive std panel. It does the most common ones and they have a lab local to me. I'm kinda pissed having to spend $200 obviously but I don't want to go too cheap but I thought it was a good price considering that some of the at home kits like from CVS can be nearly as much.

    For right now, I'm just doing one step at time. Thanks for the support and for the others, well calm down. I'm the one facing the BS, not you and I can't do things like you because I'm not you. Yes I am embarrassed. Yes I feel pretty damn stupid and I accept that many are going to focus on those about me or that I didn't react how they would....that's part of what makes admitting that you got raped or taken advantage of so hard. I certainly have respect for so many others who had to come out publicly to do that because I'm doing this anonymously and hell it's still hard even behind a username. I've learned that shame and embarrassment is powerful and it feels like I'm saying to people "hey everyone, you don't know who I am but I'm stupid. Have a nice day" I never paid much attention before to men who claimed rape by a woman and years ago I would have laughed at the very idea as most people back then would have simply because it requires an erection first. Although in my case, I was blind by darkness and assumed it was someone else, I can now imagine that even if a woman seduced you, you can still not want sex but yet be turned on. This has been an eye opener for me for sure. I just hope it doesn't make me more cynical than I already am.

    But first want to get the STD thing done and just handle this in steps. I'm too much of an introvert to do everything at once. I've also considered talking to my g/f's dad first because he's kind of like a head of family sort and wise. He might be better able to prevent a family divide and he's a super nice, understanding type of guy. I just don't feel he would be as biased as my g/f would be. I'm afraid she'll either take family over me or she'll try to shake down everyone to see who bleeds. I don't want that approach and I honestly don't think they'll confess under that type of tactic.

    Despite trying hard not to think about it or over think t, my brain keeps wanting to cycle my suspicions between them over and over again and I realize that I'm not any closer to narrowing down like I previously thought I was. One moment I think well it had to be this person then I re-think and say no, that's not possible. I keep doing that over and over and honestly not any of them seem like the type to be that bold. Then I blame myself for not paying enough attention. I have a habit of making assumptions and tend to ignore anything out of the ordinary. Not exactly a good survival trait to have and wished I worked on that when I was younger. Psychologically I keep wondering what they could have been thinking. They had to have used a light temporarily just to find their way to me in the dark I'd imagine but was the intention to hope that I would think it's my g/f, like do a stealth BJ on someone and they won't be the wiser? Or did they think that because I'm a guy, I wouldn't care? I know all of them make guy jokes as if we'll stick it in anything that moves.

    I feel like I need to make sense of it because I've seen people do some bold things before but doing anything sexual next to their S/O and hope they don't freak out is about as bold as it gets and out of character. I don't think there is any vengeful intent against me. I did consider the idea that maybe it was revenge for something my g/f did in the past but to my knowledge they all have always got along so this is partly why I want to go to her dad about this first because his personality is more comfortable for me and if there was any old family skeletons, he would know.

    sorry for long post. wish me luck on the test. If I ever find out who, they are paying me back for all costs.
     
  10. Vibe

    Vibe Master Guru

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    Oh man the very thought of getting law involved. Making statements, etc. I mean that would tear the family apart. I feel like I am just the b/f. Aside from the one girl who's known their family a lot longer than I have and the others who are family, that there will be a bias. They are close, tight family. Now if they were like my family, not close at all then this would be easier.

    I'm not going to lie, but the way I'm thinking right now, if I pass this std test. I can't help but consider how much easier this will be on everyone if I just let it go and keep quiet. That thought crosses my mind. I only have to avoid sex with the g/f for a few days. If I pass then I have a big decision to make. If I fail then the decision is obvious.

    The only person I want to talk to right now is my g/f's dad. I'm really comfortable with him and he doesn't seem biased. I mean I know he is but he's the type that can deal with this. I don't feel like the others could as easily. But all this is just what I'm thinking ATM.
     

  11. Cyberdyne

    Cyberdyne Ancient Guru

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    I was only responding to what others have said. Some here are concerned with the "perception" of what happened. I'm less concerned.
    It's up to you how it's handled.
     
  12. 386SX

    386SX Master Guru

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    I wish you best luck.
     
  13. Extraordinary

    Extraordinary Ancient Guru

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    Go camping with them all again, this time grab the b**ch by the hair and turn your torch on :D
     
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  14. sykozis

    sykozis Ancient Guru

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    Holy crap..... Not sure which is worse, what happened, or some of the responses.....

    For your sake, avoid future camping trips where your fishing buddies are not present but all the same women are. option 2, take multiple tents and tie the effing zipper shut on your tent.

    The STD test, though always a good idea, is unlikely to produce a result from this experience unless one of the girls present on your camping trip had cold sores.

    In case you didn't learn it in school, cold sores are a common sign of HSV-1 which is believed to affect up to (estimated) 98% of the world's population. It's among the easiest known viruses to contract. It's actually more easily spread than COVID-19.....

    That out of the way....

    Definitely talk to someone. Whether it be your g/f or her father...though both may yield undesirable results. You are going to be accusing family members (or a friend of) of sexual assault, which is unlikely to go over well with anyone, especially when 1 of them is under age. People still have a problem accepting that men can be sexually assaulted, and this seems to be especially true of older generations. Regardless of who you talk to first, you are going to end up discussing this with your g/f. Either on the way out the door or during a reconciliatory period, so prepare for that. If you think anything has changed already, you aint seen crap yet.... Once you start talking, things are likely to change very quickly. With that, I'll stop here and say "Good luck"....
     
  15. AntiSnipe

    AntiSnipe Master Guru

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    After she finishes, of course.
     
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  16. Well... if you are on good terms with your father/mother, have them in your life and feel comfortable speaking with them - never hurts to have a family support system when going through a tough ordeal. Best of luck stranger' hang in there
     
  17. electronerd35

    electronerd35 Member

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    You should definitely tell your gf. Because otherwise it's like a betrayal and you can just explain yourself that you just recognized it quite late that it wasn't her. She will be definitely angry but if she loves you she'll understand. You and her need to know wtf was this person doing this to both of you.
     

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