Discussion in 'The Guru's Pub' started by alanm, May 13, 2015.
Looking at your avatar/photo: "Now I know why some animals eat their own offspring."
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman – Full Metal Jacket
Looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your momma’s ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress!
You are the best worker we got, when u on vacation.
I forgot to count my fingers today, but u can always rely on my middle one.
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and **** out a smarter statement than that.
How can I miss you if you won't go away?
Can you take that ugly mask off, so I can see your face?
Somewhere out there, there is a tree tirelessly producing oxygen so you can breathe. I think you owe it an apology- House M.D.
Best response to an insult, happens around the 22 second mark.
If we were to kill everyone who hates you, it would not be murder. It would be apocalypse.
If you spoke your mind, you'd be speechless.
Love Woody Allen. Some of his quotes:
- I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
- I think you're the opposite of paranoid. You go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
- I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said no.
- When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
- The only thing standing between me and greatness is me.
- I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100
- I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
- You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ.
- If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.
- I was the captain of the latent paranoid softball team. We used to play all the neurotics on sunday morning. Nailbiters against the bedwetters, and if you've never seen neurotics play softball, it's really funny. I used to steal second base, and feel guilty and go back.
- Don't think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses.
She thought Moby Dick was a venereal disease.
Girlfriend, drop dead - I don't do requests
Winston Churchill's wartime speeches and radio addresses have seen him remembered as one of the great orators of the 20th Century.
Winston Churchill's ability to lift the spirits of the British people in times of adversity were, however, neatly balanced with a sparkling line in withering put-downs.
Now Churchill has topped a poll of history's funniest insults with a famous jibe directed at either the socialist MP Bessie Braddock or the Conservative Lady Astor, the first female MP (depending on which version of the story you hear).
When accused by one of them of being 'disgustingly drunk' the Conservative Prime Minister responded: 'My dear, you are ugly, and what’s more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly.'
It's unclear which of the two politicians Churchill directed his comment at - and there is even debate over whether he said it at all.
Churchill quotation expert Richard Langworth claims that one of the Prime Minister's bodyguards confirmed the exchange had taken place with Bessie Braddock after the MP had said: "Winston, you are drunk, and what’s more you are disgustingly drunk."
Though widely quoted many experts now believe that most of the retellings of the story are fictional.
His second is for a put-down delivered when he received a call from the Lord Privy Seal while sat on the toilet: “Tell him I can only deal with one s**t at a time.
IMHO, one of history's greatest Statesman.
If I wanted to kill myself I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
He started at rock bottom, but since then he has started to dig.
You fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries..."
"I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper!"
"I fart in your general direction!"
There are times when verbal ingenuity is not enough.
The Mind's a funny thing . . . in the Summer it longs for Winter. In the Winter it longs for Summer. In the Spring . . . it heads for the Bahamas.
History is'a made at night. Character is what you are in the dark.
There are three kinds of people in the world, those who can count and those who can't
my writing skills improved when I started using verbs
I studied the greats and not so greats
Some poeple have a way with words, others...silence
From Dr. Gregory House:
Patient: "Oh wow. Oh thank God. Wow, I'm gonna be a mom. Whoa. Thank you so much, I gotta get you a gift or something."
House: "Sometimes the best gift is the gift of never seeing you again."