Funny jokes

Discussion in 'The Guru's Pub' started by trodas, Jul 9, 2014.

  1. trodas

    trodas Master Guru

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    I missing some thread to dump funny stuff that you stumble upon to pass it to others. Like this one:


    [​IMG]
    todays thiefs


    :D
     
  2. jbmcmillan

    jbmcmillan Ancient Guru

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    I don't get either of those??
     
  3. DerSchniffles

    DerSchniffles Maha Guru

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    Me either, maybe something to do with the wizard chick has no feet? Kidding but I actually dont get it haha.
     
  4. Decane

    Decane Ancient Guru

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    Vote with your feet?
     

  5. DerSchniffles

    DerSchniffles Maha Guru

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    2 peanuts walk on a plane, they both get assaulted.

    2 sausages are sitting in a frying pan. One turns to the other and says, "man, its getting hot in here." The other turns and shouts "AHHHH! A TALKING SAUSAGE!"

    A mushroom walks into a bar. Bartender goes "Hey, get out, we dont serve your kind here." The mushroom replies "why not? im a real fun guy!" (fungi)
     
  6. BLEH!

    BLEH! Ancient Guru

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    I tried to catch some fog the other day. I mist.
     
  7. allesclar

    allesclar Ancient Guru

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    The last time i saw brazilians getting done over by 11 germans was on pornhub.

    :)
     
  8. Brasky

    Brasky Ancient Guru

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    1. How many American tourists does it take to change a light bulb?

    Fifteen. Five to figure out how much the bulb costs in the local currency, four to comment on "how funny-looking" local lightbulbs are, three to hire a local person to change the bulb, two to take pictures, and one to buy postcards in case the pictures don't come out.

    2. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

    3. An American businessman was in Japan. He hired a local hooker and was going at it with her all night. She kept screaming, “Fujifoo! Fugifoo!” The American thought she was screaming in pleasure.

    The next day, he was golfing with his Japanese counterparts and he got a hole-in-one. Wanting to impress the clients, he shouted “Fujifoo!” One of the Japanese men looked at him with a very confused look on his face and said, “No, you got the right hole.”

    4. What's the difference between Americans and the engines of the jets on which they travel abroad?

    After they land, the engines of the jets quit whining.

    5. How do you get 100 Americans into one box of Donuts?

    Tell them there's only one left.

    6. And here's a quick chinese joke so that people don't think i'm anti American.:banana:
    learn to speak chinese:
    1) That's not right ....................... Sum Ting Wong
    2) Are you harboring a fugitive?............. Hu Yu Hai Ding
    3) See me ASAP................................ Kum Hia Nao
    4) Stupid Man ........................... Dum Kok
    5) Small Horse ......................... Tai Ni Po Ni
    6) Did you go to the beach? ............ Wai Yu So Tan
    7) I bumped into a coffee table ........ Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
    8) I think you need a face lift ........... Chin Tu Fat
    9) It's very dark in here ................. Wao So Dim
    10) I thought you were on a diet ........... Wai Yu Mun Ching
    11) This is a tow away zone ................ No Pah King
    12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week ... Wai Yu Kum Nao
    13) Staying out of sight ................ Lei Ying Lo
    14) He's cleaning his automobile .......... Wa Shing Ka
    15) Your body odor is offensive ........... Yu Stin Ki Pu
    16) Great .................................. Fa Kin Su Pah
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2014
  9. Black_ice_Spain

    Black_ice_Spain Ancient Guru

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    you have to be latin in order to understand that joke vwell
     
  10. BLEH!

    BLEH! Ancient Guru

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    PMS jokes are the worst. Period.
     

  11. Brasky

    Brasky Ancient Guru

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    +1, Short and Simple!:banana::thumbup:
     
  12. Dragondale13

    Dragondale13 Maha Guru

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    Billy is attending Sunday school.The Nun asks the class..."How do people talk to God?"
    Billy raises his hand in excitement...."I know I know!"
    Nun..."Yes Billy!"
    Billy..."Feet first!"
    Confused, the Nun asks..."Why Billy?"
    Billy replies..."Last night my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, Oh God I'm Coming!"

    A Rastaman walks into a bank, goes to the teller, hands her some weed and says..."I'm here to open a joint account!"
     
  13. StewieTech

    StewieTech Chuck Norris

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    Your mother.
     
  14. nhlkoho

    nhlkoho Ancient Guru

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    This right here pisses me off everytime I go to the grocery store.
     
  15. Grand Master

    Grand Master Member

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    Once a milf had a dog called deeper.One night a theif get inside her home and rape milf.The milf calls her dog:deeper!deeper!The thief says:Not a chance lady!Cuase even my balls are already in! :))
     

  16. NomadAssassin

    NomadAssassin Master Guru

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    Wow... just wow. That is offensive even for a sexist such as myself.
     
  17. Brasky

    Brasky Ancient Guru

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    It's not the Funny Ha Ha or the Funny Strange... :3eyes:
     
  18. Extraordinary

    Extraordinary Ancient Guru

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    When you buy 10 packs of buns at a time, and 8 tins of hotdogs at a time, where's the problem?

    [​IMG]
     
  19. Grand Master

    Grand Master Member

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    Its just a joke.
     
  20. Grand Master

    Grand Master Member

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    Once a naive get married.His wife gets tired of his lack of lust and complains to her mother.Her mother says get nude and pose for her just as he arrives in home.She did as her mom ordered.When the naive saw her laughed and said:OH look at it!She doesnt have a cock!
     

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