So I've been single for a while and been giving OKCupid a go for a few months. Yeah, met a few people, made a few friends, blocked a few psychos/liars/cheaters/stalkers/crazy types, but when you eventually meet a girl who you get on with, is good looking, similar interests, yadda yadda, meet up, good date... few days later... "yeah, I'm like you, but I don't find you attractive." Why lead people on? I just don't get the mentality. Any tips on avoiding this in future?
It sounds like she was fairly honest with you. After meeting you in person, she decided that she isn't into you in that way. I'm not trying to be mean but suck it up and move on. That is life, some things work and some things don't, there is no need to get hung up on it. People are very different and deal with things in different ways, there doesn't sound like any malice in this case, just one of those things. Get back on the horse and find another one! You'll probably have to meet many before you finally click so take it all in your stride.
avoid online *SPAM* if you want to avoid such scenarios....lol To be completely honest, you'll never avoid such scenarios. It's quite easy to be attracted to someone physically, but not mentally. Physical attraction is easy. Mental attraction takes time to develop. It's not something that just happens overnight. Unfortunately, people worry too much about physical and financial attraction and not enough about emotional/mental compatibility. That's why the divorce rate in the US is insanely high and continually increasing.... When using *SPAM* sites, you have to take the time to get to know as much about someone and their interests as possible before you meet to determine if they're worth meeting. Then you risk the "let down" if/when you finally do meet them. It's just part of online *SPAM* unfortunately....
Thankfully yes. The right one will come round, eventually, I hope. Tried the traditional channels and go nowhere, hence the online thing. I asked her on a date because I was mentally attracted, though she was pretty good looking, TBH.
It will, either through online or otherwise. In the meantime just go out to have fun and enjoy your dates no matter what the outcome.
I would try without the question Tinder or Plenty of Fish there,my brother using both of them and I've used PoF and in my view is the best ... and its free And if you are looking for asian girl,then Date in Asia is good starting place there Avoiding meeting such of people hard to say,unless you have crystal ball somewhere then you will never avoid this. This has happen to me several times and with all of those girls or womans I'm still good friend Hope this helps and good lyck with finding right one Thanks,Jura
Send this after every romantic message you send, so she knows what to expect: Spoiler On a serious note, first of all take care of yourself. It's the most important first step for everything. I met my wife online, and it wasn't even in a *SPAM* website. Sometimes things come, other times you just have to wait.
I've also been single for quite some time now and tried a well known online *SPAM* site. Sent a few messages but they remain unread so yea, great start. Only message I got was from someone without a profile picture or presentation that after a few messages wanted to marry me -.- Luckily, a few friends were kind enough to hook me up with their female friends and I've dated three but in all cases I got the same answer as OP. "Hey, you're fun and very kind and sweet...but let's just stick to friendship, OK?" I just think that girls are much more demanding now than 10 or even 5 years ago. I don't remember having these kind of problems back then. OP - I'd say you're lucky that they are honest. Better that than someone dishonest engaging you in a relationship and then using you financially or just for kicks.
okCupid was ok Found some fun girls there. Some friends. But my current gf/spouse I found from Tinder of all frikkin places. I don't think girls are that demanding actually, it's just that easier to date now days and sometimes things just don't click. Being sweet, nice and all that just does not click with everyone on a deeper level except maybe later. It comes a lot down to experiences the women have had too.
Wow you guys are...yeah... I would say that the problem is "Chemistry", girls would often say: He's fun and sweet and all but "there was no chemistry". How should I put this...Chemistry in girls talk means "Attraction through sexual tension" something like that... We are sexual beings so either you're too sexual which will pretty much scare her off or you're not sexual enough in which case you'll turn her off. You're fun to be with, comfortable to be around but she's not attracted because you're not giving her a reason to. Next time on a date, when everything has slowed down and the atmosphere is relaxed and you've had your casual conversations, preferably at night too. Try to look at the girl in the eye with a cheeky smile and if she's saying stuff like "What is it?" and she gets all flustered, then you're doing the right thing! Just my two cents guys hope it's useful.
The girl I met was quite nervous, suffering from endless word vomit. Was quite hard to get a word in edgways.
Wow that's way different from what I've been spouting about, sorry. In that case there's these simple reminders that hopefully bring good interaction on dates which are: Attraction. Fun. Comfort. Imagine having a scale of each from 1 to 100, your goal is to get these three as high as you possibly can...In your case she probably wasn't comfortable enough or the date was a bit on the boring side(I'm not saying it was)so you have to work on those. I guess I don't have to elaborate on these as we all pretty much know what they mean. Cheers!
If hes alone it doesnt make sense, but with a group of people they give you a card with a number that you put on a stand.
So what you're basically saying is that all relationships start by sexual tension? Nothing about personality, hobbies and other stuff that also matter?
No not at all. Actually it's like a balancing act of a lot of things, like walking on a tightrope... You have to be warm and friendly: No one likes the Ice king except probably the Ice Queen... You have to be fun: You make her laugh, you tease her be playful with her etc.(this one is broad) There must be comfort: You make good conversations, you're a gentleman, you do stuff for her, you have similarities, you form deep connections etc. And you're not afraid to show you're a touchy feely sexual person: Who doesn't like a good handshake? A tap at the back maybe? Or the ol hifive! For girls you can touch her hand, lead her by her hand and escalate from that, stare at her in a cheeky way and so on... You can even do it audibly by saying for example "You know I'm gonna kiss you, you won't know when, but I definitely will!" That should raise her temps for a while haha she might need an AIO But all of these has to have balance! You can't be the guy who always makes her laugh but doesn't take the time to form a serious connection with her. You'll be the Joker. You can't be the guy who's all serious-like making connections and thinks that the Stock Market or that GPU and CPU wars are a good way to lighten the mood and stuff. That's boring. You can't be the guy who does everything she asks and doesn't tease her and even fails just touching her shoulder or elbow. You're most likey gonna be friend-zoned. If you don't do most of these things then you probably have high level charters in WOW or LOL or DOTA or something of the kind...hehe no offense. Disclaimer: These are just my opinions. Take it with a grain of salt haha! As they always say you're experience is what teaches you...something like that. Btw I just noticed that things I had said earlier might not have translated very well. Like "Wow you guys are...yeah..." What I was trying to convey was you guys are just like me not so long ago, I've had similar experiences. And I probably should rephrase the "I would say that the problem is "Chemistry"" to "The OPs problem might be about chemistry" I apologise if I mislead or offended anyone. I'm still very much struggling at this because Language is not my native English hehe. :infinity:
