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trodas
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Talking Funny jokes - 07-09-2014, 13:52 | posts: 321 | Location: Czech republic

I missing some thread to dump funny stuff that you stumble upon to pass it to others. Like this one:



todays thiefs


   
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Old
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jbmcmillan
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Default 07-09-2014, 14:21 | posts: 1,273 | Location: Langley,B.C. Canada

I don't get either of those??
   
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DerSchniffles
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Default 07-09-2014, 14:23 | posts: 1,032 | Location: Washington

Quote:
Originally Posted by jbmcmillan View Post
I don't get either of those??
Me either, maybe something to do with the wizard chick has no feet? Kidding but I actually dont get it haha.
   
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Decane
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Default 07-09-2014, 14:25 | posts: 5,060 | Location: England (/Finland)

Vote with your feet?
   
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DerSchniffles
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Default 07-09-2014, 14:26 | posts: 1,032 | Location: Washington

2 peanuts walk on a plane, they both get assaulted.

2 sausages are sitting in a frying pan. One turns to the other and says, "man, its getting hot in here." The other turns and shouts "AHHHH! A TALKING SAUSAGE!"

A mushroom walks into a bar. Bartender goes "Hey, get out, we dont serve your kind here." The mushroom replies "why not? im a real fun guy!" (fungi)
   
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BLEH!
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Default 07-09-2014, 14:43 | posts: 4,904 | Location: London

I tried to catch some fog the other day. I mist.
   
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allesclar
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Default 07-09-2014, 14:44 | posts: 5,117 | Location: England

The last time i saw brazilians getting done over by 11 germans was on pornhub.

   
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Brasky
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Default 07-09-2014, 15:35 | posts: 1,749 | Location: BBQ Capital of the World

1. How many American tourists does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifteen. Five to figure out how much the bulb costs in the local currency, four to comment on "how funny-looking" local lightbulbs are, three to hire a local person to change the bulb, two to take pictures, and one to buy postcards in case the pictures don't come out.

2. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

3. An American businessman was in Japan. He hired a local hooker and was going at it with her all night. She kept screaming, “Fujifoo! Fugifoo!” The American thought she was screaming in pleasure.

The next day, he was golfing with his Japanese counterparts and he got a hole-in-one. Wanting to impress the clients, he shouted “Fujifoo!” One of the Japanese men looked at him with a very confused look on his face and said, “No, you got the right hole.”

4. What's the difference between Americans and the engines of the jets on which they travel abroad?

After they land, the engines of the jets quit whining.

5. How do you get 100 Americans into one box of Donuts?

Tell them there's only one left.

6. And here's a quick chinese joke so that people don't think i'm anti American.
learn to speak chinese:
1) That's not right ....................... Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive?............. Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP................................ Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man ........................... Dum Kok
5) Small Horse ......................... Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach? ............ Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table ........ Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift ........... Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here ................. Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet ........... Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone ................ No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week ... Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight ................ Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile .......... Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive ........... Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great .................................. Fa Kin Su Pah

Last edited by Brasky; 07-09-2014 at 16:00.
   
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Black_ice_Spain
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Default 07-09-2014, 16:32 | posts: 4,387 | Location: Spain

you have to be latin in order to understand that joke vwell
   
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BLEH!
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Default 07-09-2014, 16:33 | posts: 4,904 | Location: London

PMS jokes are the worst. Period.
   
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Brasky
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Default 07-09-2014, 16:35 | posts: 1,749 | Location: BBQ Capital of the World

Quote:
Originally Posted by BLEH! View Post
PMS jokes are the worst. Period.
+1, Short and Simple!
   
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Dragondale13
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Default 07-09-2014, 17:05 | posts: 341 | Location: Trinidad & Tobago, W.I.

Billy is attending Sunday school.The Nun asks the class..."How do people talk to God?"
Billy raises his hand in excitement...."I know I know!"
Nun..."Yes Billy!"
Billy..."Feet first!"
Confused, the Nun asks..."Why Billy?"
Billy replies..."Last night my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, Oh God I'm Coming!"

A Rastaman walks into a bank, goes to the teller, hands her some weed and says..."I'm here to open a joint account!"
   
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StewieTech
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Default 07-09-2014, 17:07 | posts: 1,333 | Location: Portugal

Your mother.
   
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nhlkoho
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Default 07-09-2014, 17:17 | posts: 4,903 | Location: Washington DC

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brasky View Post
2. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
This right here pisses me off everytime I go to the grocery store.
   
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Grand Master
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Default 07-09-2014, 17:22 | posts: 28

Once a milf had a dog called deeper.One night a theif get inside her home and rape milf.The milf calls her dog:deeper!deeper!The thief says:Not a chance lady!Cuase even my balls are already in! )
   
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NomadAssassin
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Default 07-09-2014, 21:56 | posts: 208 | Location: Republic of Bulgaria

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grand Master View Post
Once a milf had a dog called deeper.One night a theif get inside her home and rape milf.The milf calls her dog:deeper!deeper!The thief says:Not a chance lady!Cuase even my balls are already in! )
Wow... just wow. That is offensive even for a sexist such as myself.
   
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Brasky
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Default 07-09-2014, 22:12 | posts: 1,749 | Location: BBQ Capital of the World

Quote:
Originally Posted by NomadAssassin View Post
Wow... just wow. That is offensive even for a sexist such as myself.
It's not the Funny Ha Ha or the Funny Strange...
   
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Extraordinary
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Default 07-09-2014, 22:22 | posts: 7,033 | Location: 127.0.0.1

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brasky View Post

2. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
When you buy 10 packs of buns at a time, and 8 tins of hotdogs at a time, where's the problem?

   
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Grand Master
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Default 07-09-2014, 22:36 | posts: 28

Quote:
Originally Posted by NomadAssassin View Post
Wow... just wow. That is offensive even for a sexist such as myself.
Its just a joke.
   
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Grand Master
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Default 07-09-2014, 22:45 | posts: 28

Once a naive get married.His wife gets tired of his lack of lust and complains to her mother.Her mother says get nude and pose for her just as he arrives in home.She did as her mom ordered.When the naive saw her laughed and saidH look at it!She doesnt have a cock!
   
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elkosith
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Default 07-09-2014, 23:38 | posts: 1,197 | Location: Indonesia

An American, a French, a Chinese, and an Indonesian were on a cruise. After dinner they gathered on the port side, viewing the ocean, and had a conversation. Not long, they started to show off how great their home country was.

The American pulled a carton of Marlboro from his coat, took a pack, threw the rest of the packs to the ocean. He opened the pack, took one cigarette, lighted it up, then threw the pack into the ocean.

The Indonesian said: Whoaa, why you threw that? It's such a waste!

American: It's all right, we have plenty of those back home

The French then started to show off. He took a bottle of a very expensive French perfume. He sprayed the perfume to his body once, then threw it into the ocean.

The Indonesian said: Whoaa, why you threw that? It's such a waste!

French: It's all right, we have plenty of those back home.

Then out of sudden, the Indonesian grabbed the Chinese, picked him up, and threw him into the ocean.

The American and French were shocked and asked in unison: What the hell, why did you do that?

Indonesian (calmly): It's all right, we have plenty of those back home.
   
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BLEH!
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Default 07-10-2014, 01:06 | posts: 4,904 | Location: London

Broken pencils are pointless.
   
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scoter man1
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Default 07-10-2014, 02:31 | posts: 4,281 | Location: MI, USA

Wow, that first post just made me remember quitting memecenter a few days ago.
   
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scatman839
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Default 07-10-2014, 02:43 | posts: 10,184 | Location: Dundee, Scotland

also known as the front page of reddit, 4chan, or the vault of fail

but pick reddit
   
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Dch48
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Default 07-10-2014, 05:43 | posts: 420

Quote:
Originally Posted by trodas View Post
I missing some thread to dump funny stuff that you stumble upon to pass it to others. Like this one:



todays thiefs


The guy is a politician. Not sure about the girl so don't get that one unless she's just another character in the game.
   
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