Fitting in vs standing out

proFits

Hello everybody!

Been a while since I posted in the pub. Nways
I've got this question to ask, since this place is full of all types of people.

Are you the type of person that likes to ''fit in'' as in you like to disapear in a crowd of people and be cog in the gear?

Or would you rather be the ''stand out'' type. Flashy personality, altertive lifestyle and such?

Most of all I'm interested in knowing your opinion on both (I could read a sociological book on the matter, but I love my gurus)

StewieTech · 03-15-2013, 14:52 | posts: 743 | Location: Portugal

My opinion is be yourself and **** the rest. As for me, it usually results in "stand out", whatever you mean by that.

Anarion · 03-15-2013, 15:06 | posts: 9,278 | Location: Finland

I am what I am and I am not trying to be something I'm not. That usually means that I disappear in the crowd.

Palerider · 03-15-2013, 15:06 | posts: 4,358 | Location: Toledo Ohio

There's a time and a place for both. Don't do it for how it benefits you though, do it for the betterment of your surroundings. It don't do anyone any good to be "that guy" in school, work, military service, etc. On the other hand, maybe your friends need you to be that guy.

Basically, to conform just for the sake of conformity is weakness.
Standing out just for the sake of being the odd ball is a bit childish.

proFits · 03-15-2013, 15:12 | posts: 5,749 | Location: Montreal

Quote:

Originally Posted by Palerider

There's a time and a place for both. Don't do it for how it benefits you though, do it for the betterment of your surroundings. It don't do anyone any good to be "that guy" in school, work, military service, etc. On the other hand, maybe your friends need you to be that guy.

Basically, to conform just for the sake of conformity is weakness.
Standing out just for the sake of being the odd ball is a bit childish.

I like how you put it. But what do you mean by ''that guy'' exactly. Someone that is disturbing/offending or just wants too hard to be the center of attention?

Palerider · 03-15-2013, 15:20 | posts: 4,358 | Location: Toledo Ohio

It's been my experience that they're one in the same. The class clown who distracts others for attention (laughs)- In the Army there were lots of guys who just didn't want to follow the structure because the rules didn't make sense to them or they thought their way was better, at work, let's face it, we have to be a machine. You do what the company wants, you do what's best for the company, and that's that. I was as rebellious as anyone, but I came to learn you need to fit in sometimes.

Decane · 03-15-2013, 15:21 | posts: 5,000 | Location: Finland

Whichever one chooses, one does so to gratify one's vanity; both phenomena stem from exactly the same source. And the vainest of them all is the one who denies that he is vain.

Palerider · 03-15-2013, 15:30 | posts: 4,358 | Location: Toledo Ohio

Quote:

Originally Posted by Decane

Whichever one chooses, one does so to gratify one's vanity; both phenomena stem from exactly the same source. And the vainest of them all is the one who denies that he is vain.

I see the wisdom poking through, but please explain how "Getting lost in the crowd" gratifies ones ego?

scipio · 03-15-2013, 15:53 | posts: 3,902 | Location: NorCal

If you fit it in you have to get it out and then you put it in again.

eclap · 03-15-2013, 16:05 | posts: 18,981 | Location: Hampshire UK

hate attention seeking and being center of attention. I am myself and people like me for just that. and some don't, maybe. their loss :p

Darkest · 03-15-2013, 16:09 | posts: 5,376

Quote:

Originally Posted by Palerider

I see the wisdom poking through, but please explain how "Getting lost in the crowd" gratifies ones ego?

Some people like to be part of the whole, and actively look down upon people who are not. There is some self gratification to be found in conformity, you could also call it popularity or keeping up with trends.

Personally speaking I tend to just be myself, although who I am can differ depending on the situation I'm in and who I'm speaking too. I'm extremely anti-authority, but find that presenting myself as such everywhere I go will do little but get peoples backs up. Sometimes it's best to grit your teeth and get on with something. For example, a cousin of mine ended up in hospital a few years ago - myself and a number of his family turned up for support. One of his family members assumed that because I had long hair and a beard I was hardcore into metal and rock but nothing else. This of course was an opening for him to start trashing every other music type, paticularly rap (Which I'm actually a big fan of, at least the older stuff). At the time it was best to just let him ramble on, it simply wouldn't have been appropriate for me to make an issue of it.

The Chubu · 03-15-2013, 16:09 | posts: 2,541 | Location: Look out!

Actually, the better you fit in a group, the better you stand out among them.

proFits · 03-15-2013, 16:29 | posts: 5,749 | Location: Montreal

Quote:

Originally Posted by Palerider

I see the wisdom poking through, but please explain how "Getting lost in the crowd" gratifies ones ego?

Vanity seems to be the wrong word.

But regardless a lot of you guys seem to be following the ''whatever floats your boat'' kind of mentality. That's all fun, but as a society it doesn't seem to be so well represented, the population as a whole seems so polarized.

A lot of people want the system to be rigid and infallible/foolproof. A system that is grey and bureaucratic (Equilibrium/slow moving monsters in Hitchhiker's Guide type deal). These Office-type people if you will, have had to ''fit in'' to the office environment, in which they are led and guide toward a path chosen, most of the time, against their will for the greater good of the company. For example: having to choose between productivity (quantity) and conformity to process (quality).

On the other hand, you have the artistic/cultural side to live. That makes ''fitting in'' disgusting or out of touch with our inner child. So there are the utopists (hippies if you will), dreaming of a machine-free Eden. Obviously to office type people, that know the effort you have to make to achieve success, it looks frivolous and stupid.

And thus a balance is needed, right? So my question is, how do we deal with people that are doing too much on one side or the other. Living in downtown Montreal I have to live with constant student riots for the last year. Most of their demands seem unreasonable and unfeasible. On the other side, you have the rich man, which is asking for concessions from the poor while he makes the salary equal to a large portion of his employee's.

Could we improve the world by reducing these ''extremists'' and being more balanced, more ... middle-class oriented I guess.

RedSeptember · 03-15-2013, 16:30 | posts: 470 | Location: Dubai

Stand out. Why be a sheep when you can be the Sheppard?

Decane · 03-15-2013, 16:34 | posts: 5,000 | Location: Finland

Quote:

Originally Posted by Palerider

"Getting lost in the crowd"

I made a statement about what motivates people to fit in (gratifying one's vanity), and you are asking me to defend the position that one of the many possible consequences of fitting in, of which you have arbitrarily chosen one ("getting lost in the crowd"), legitimizes the motivation (gratifies one's vanity). From my vantage point, that looks dangerously like a straw-man; though I admit the possibility that I have misjudged, in which case I am awfully sorry - I assure you I did not intend it.

To clarify: people are motivated to "fit in" by the anticipated acceptance and/or admiration of some social group whose acceptance and/or admiration they covet. Vanity is involved just to the extent that this acceptance and/or admiration is coveted.

Brasky · 03-15-2013, 17:20 | posts: 1,328 | Location: BBQ Capital of the World

small settings/groups i prefer to stand out. but on a larger scale i prefer to fit in.

Elder III · 03-15-2013, 17:35 | posts: 1,982 | Location: Ohio

I strive to do what I believe to be right in all settings. While I do care about other people (ie - compassion), I do not care about whether or not I fit in to their ideas about what is popular or "normal". I don't live my life to please other people, or to please myself - rather my Creator.

tldr - I live my own way and don't care whether I fit in or stand out.

Dillinger · 03-15-2013, 17:55 | posts: 282

I couldn't care less, there's never been a moment where I felt the need to bandwagon or act flashy.

Seeing everyone's incessant need to act a certain way to appease others is pretty much laughable to me...

NomadAssassin · 03-15-2013, 18:00 | posts: 146 | Location: Republic of Bulgaria

I like to blend in crowds.
<<<<<<<<<<<<

airbud7 · 03-15-2013, 18:04 | posts: 2,066 | Location: Evans Ga,USA

Stand Out...That's how I Roll...

proFits · 03-15-2013, 18:06 | posts: 5,749 | Location: Montreal

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dillinger

I could care less, there's never been a moment where I felt the need to bandwagon or act flashy.

Seeing everyone's incessant need to act a certain way to appease others is pretty much laughable to me...

You have to understand that some people, such as myself, are timid. Some, most of the times, just want to be left alone and ignored. Camouflaged from mockery or persecution.

For example, asians using americanized names so people stop butchering their names. They just want to ''fit in'' to our xenophobic ways.

I am xenophobic myself. Not racist; I am naturally scared of people I don't know (regardless of race). To some extent, it is part of human nature to reject either change or intruders/strangers.

Either way, my point is that, being timid, I prefer getting around not talking to anyone, except colleagues, during a full workday, apart from casual greetings. So my need to ''fit in'' comes from a psychological trouble (which then relates to a biological imbalance).

GreenSmoke · 03-16-2013, 00:13 | posts: 160 | Location: Buttcrack of the world

I don't go out of my way to make myself stand out, but I also definitely do not purposely hide my presence by blending into the masses. Mostly for me it depends on the situations I enter upon knowingly or unknowingly

However I am always starting off as just an "observer(lurker as some call it)" until I further decide if my efforts in dealing with mass crowds filled with idiocy will reap any benefits for me (or if at the time I have a lady with me then 'us') and benefits being w/e I happened to decide they are at the time.

BLEH! · **Memory**: 24GB @ 1600 @ 9-10-9-27

Blatent metalhead, not hard to miss, really, especially in winter with my epic trenchcoat. On a personal level, I'm not loud or a particular centre of attention so if I'm sat in the corner of the pub I'm quite easy to walk past. I'm at the point now where I just don't give a crap what other people think of my style etc., so standing out isn't really an issue.

FULMTL · *Last edited by FULMTL; 03-16-2013 at 01:49.*

If we are talking about appearence, I like to disappear into the crowd because I don't wear clothes with brands/logos largely visible on them. I have the stereotype of the person that looks normal and calm until I'm in an environment where I am comfortable.

sykozis · 03-16-2013, 02:20 | posts: 13,634 | Location: US East Coast

I'm me.... I don't put forth any effort to fit in, nor to stand out. I'm just me. I have my own thoughts, opinions and feelings.

Personally, I think those that go out of their way to fit in, are pathetic....and those that go out of their way to stand out, are attention starved. I don't care for being around people that are scared to simply be themselves.