Free steam games - tell a joke to win

Valken · *Last edited by Valken; 11-25-2012 at 10:43.*

I have 2 free steam games I want to give away. Usually we ask the participant to tell us why they deserve the game. I hate to see sad stories around the holidays so lets make it a cheerful contest:

Tell one or more joke or funny story. Best one wins game of his/her choice.

Post your joke/story with game you want. I'll leave this up for a few days. Let's keep it T rated at best. No M, R or A rated jokes

First Prize - Nuclear Dawn
2nd Prize -Half-Life 2: Episode One (Includes 4 items: Half-Life 2: Deathmatch, Half-Life 2: Lost Coast, Half-Life Deathmatch: Source, Half-Life 2: Episode One)

Ends 11/28/2012 PST.

Winner will be notified and must PM me their steamid so I can gift it to them.

Radiopassive · **Memory**: 4GB DDR2 800 4-4-4-11

Looks like noone really wants to win these games..

So I will just add a classic lawyer joke because I don't care about it either.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
One's a scum-sucking, bottom-feeding scavenger, and the other's a fish.

kanej2007 · 11-25-2012, 08:56 | posts: 5,700 | Location: Dubai, UAE / London, UK

I've got a joke. Winning free games from Steam is a joke.

Anubis · 11-25-2012, 09:34 | posts: 2,794 | Location: ∞

Q: What's the difference between a Mac and an Etch-A-Sketch?

A: You don't have to shake the Mac to clear the screen.

IchimA · 11-25-2012, 10:04 | posts: 618 | Location: Romania

If you're girlfriend comes home telling you that she got a raise don't haste to kiss her on her lips.

And I have many many jokes !

What's the rule , one joke to enter or more ?

Valken · 11-25-2012, 10:40 | posts: 612

You can tell more than 1 joke. I know most are corny but it gets us all laughing, then it served it's purpose.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kanej2007

I've got a joke. Winning free games from Steam is a joke.

True for HL2 but I had this 4 pack of Nuclear Dawn and only 3 us are playing it. Thought someone would want to try it out.

harkinsteven · 11-25-2012, 12:18 | posts: 1,521 | Location: Ireland

Garda = Police in Ireland
Also I dont want any games, just wanted to post this

A Cavan driver is pulled over by a Garda on the N3 from Dublin on his way home. The Garda approaches the driver's door.

"Is there a problem Garda ?"

The Garda says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?"

The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."

"You don't have one?"

The Cavan man responds, "I lost it four times for drink driving."

The Garda is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"

"I'm sorry, I can't do that."

The Garda says, "Why not?"

"I stole this car."

The Garda says, "Stole it?"

The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."

At this point the Garda is getting irate. "You what!?"

"She's in the boot if you want to see."

The Garda looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five Garda cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior Garda from the serious crimes squad slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

The senior Garda says "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"

The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem Garda ?"

"One of my men told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."

"Murdered the owner?"

The Garda responds, "Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?"

The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.

The Garda says, "Is this your car sir?"

The man says "Yes," and hands over the registration papers.

The Garda, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my Garda claims that you do not have a driving licence."

The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the Garda. The Garda opens the wallet and examines the license.
He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you sir, one of my Gardas told me you didn't have a license, stole this car, and murdered the owner."

The man replies, "I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!"

Mikedogg · 11-25-2012, 12:31 | posts: 2,872 | Location: The Freak Show - Earth.

^Cool story bro.

Not in to win but I have one to share.

(Q) What do you call a Maori in a mini.
(A) A Jaffa.

It's a Kiwi Joke.

PNeV · 11-25-2012, 12:32 | posts: 1,384 | Location: Northampton, United Kingdom

Why don't Russians wear thongs?

Because Chernobyl Fallout

UnrealGaming · 11-25-2012, 12:56 | posts: 2,385 | Location: Serbia

An Irishman walks out of a bar.

Valken · 11-25-2012, 13:15 | posts: 612

LOL... keep it coming fellas...

mitzi76 · 11-25-2012, 13:21 | posts: 7,041 | Location: UK

Quote:

Originally Posted by PNeV

Why don't Russians wear thongs?

Because Chernobyl Fallout

that's a classic!

bobdude · *Last edited by bobdude; 11-25-2012 at 13:32.*

Q:what do you call a cow with no legs?

A:ground beef

I feel sorry for people who don’t drink or do drugs. Because someday they’re going to be in a hospital bed, dying, and they won’t know why.

rievhardt · 11-25-2012, 13:39 | posts: 92

I'm interested in getting HL2...so here goes...

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, " Why then don't you eat the peanuts yourself?".

"We can't chew them because we've no teeth," she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"

The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them."

-------------------------------------------------
A drunk man was walking down the street turning his car keys back and forth.

A policeman came up to him and asked, “Sir, what are you doing?”

The drunk replied, “I am looking for my car, the last time I saw it, it was on the end of these keys.”

The police officer said, “Sir, do you know your zipper is down?”

The drunk replied, “Damn, I lost my wife too!”

-----------------------------------------------------------
A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.

So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess. The stewardess, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, "Did your Mom tell you to ask me?"

The boy said, "yes she did."

"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you."
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bobdude · 11-25-2012, 13:41 | posts: 1,710 | Location: AZ

Due to the recession, to save on energy costs, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off. – God

korn666 · 11-25-2012, 13:46 | posts: 640

what are you eating under there? underwhere ?

lucidus · 11-25-2012, 14:33 | posts: 3,146 | Location: UAE

Kid walks in on his parents having sex.
"What are you doing?" He asks.
Daddy says, "We're making you a baby brother or sister."
Kid says, "Can you do her doggie-style? I would rather have a puppy."

JoseyWales · 11-25-2012, 16:06 | posts: 45 | Location: USA

A bear is walking through the woods when he feels the call of nature..
He looks around and spots a good tree to do his business at and proceeds to squat.
Suddenly he is startled by a noise and looking around he spots a rabbit doing the same thing he is doing..

"hey rabbit!" he yells.. The rabbit looks up startled and then responds "um.. Yeah, what do you want bear?".
The bear responds asking "Rabbit, do you ever recall having problems with poo sticking to your fur when you take a crap??"
The rabbit thinks on it a minute and responds "not that I can ever remember.."
So the bear wipes his butt with the rabbit..

rflair · 11-25-2012, 18:09 | posts: 2,211 | Location: Canada

Whats the difference between a pic pocket and a peeping tom?

A pic pocket snatches your watch.

Kaleid · *Last edited by Kaleid; 12-03-2012 at 06:15.*

This is 100% my own:

(retracted)

slick3 · 11-25-2012, 20:21 | posts: 951 | Location: Canada

You wake up and hear your girlfriend yelling at the front door, and your dog is barking from the back yard to let him in. Which do you let in first?

The dog, at least he will stop b*tching once he gets in!

flimbo · 11-25-2012, 20:26 | posts: 671 | Location: UK

Why did Captain Kirk piss on the ceiling?

To boldly go where no man has gone before.

------------------------

What did Mr Spock find in the toilet?

Captains Log.

hallryu · 11-25-2012, 20:47 | posts: 10,837 | Location: England

Conspiracy theorists are a bit of a joke if you ask me.

nhlkoho · 11-25-2012, 21:28 | posts: 3,858 | Location: Washington DC

Ok this is a terrible joke so I'm apologizing in advance for anyone who gets offended. It's the only joke I can think of at the moment.

Why does Helen Keller masturbate with only one hand?
So she can moan with the other.

harkinsteven · 11-25-2012, 21:35 | posts: 1,521 | Location: Ireland

This is a joke a mate told me, I don't mean to offend anyone.

Two dyslexics are sitting in a room,
One turns to the other and says "Can you smell gas?"
The other says "Smell gas?? I can't even smell my own name!"