Free steam games - tell a joke to win

Discussion in 'Games, Gaming & Game-demos' started by Valken, Nov 25, 2012.

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  1. slick3

    slick3 Guest

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    You wake up and hear your girlfriend yelling at the front door, and your dog is barking from the back yard to let him in. Which do you let in first?




    The dog, at least he will stop b*tching once he gets in! :banana:
     
  2. flimbo

    flimbo Guest

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    Why did Captain Kirk piss on the ceiling?

    To boldly go where no man has gone before.

    ------------------------

    What did Mr Spock find in the toilet?

    Captains Log.
     
  3. hallryu

    hallryu Don Altobello

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    Conspiracy theorists are a bit of a joke if you ask me.
     
  4. nhlkoho

    nhlkoho Guest

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    Ok this is a terrible joke so I'm apologizing in advance for anyone who gets offended. It's the only joke I can think of at the moment.

    Why does Helen Keller masturbate with only one hand?
    So she can moan with the other.
     

  5. harkinsteven

    harkinsteven Guest

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    This is a joke a mate told me, I don't mean to offend anyone.

    Two dyslexics are sitting in a room,
    One turns to the other and says "Can you smell gas?"
    The other says "Smell gas?? I can't even smell my own name!"
     
  6. Anubis

    Anubis Ancient Guru

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    Ok, 2 more, then this is it for me :)

    A man died and went to Heaven.
    As he stood in front of the Pearly
    Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
    He asked, "What are allthose clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks.
    Everyone on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock
    move."
    "Oh", said the man, "Whose clock is that?"
    "That's Mother Teresa's" replied St. Peter. "The hands never moved, indicating
    that she never told a lie."
    "Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
    St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock.
    Thehands have moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his
    entire life."
    "Where's Romney's clock?" asked the man. St. Peter responded,
    "It's in my office. I'm using it as a ceiling fan...."

    -------------------------------------

    An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked
    where he is going at this time of night.

    The man replies. "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse
    and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

    The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of the night?"

    The man replies. "That would be my wife."
     
  7. Radiopassive

    Radiopassive Banned

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    I would have never believed one day I will use a quote from the Bible as an answer but here we go::)

    "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."
    [Matthew 7:1-2]

    Too bad finding wisdom in Bible often evokes looking for the needle in a globalized haystack.
    Now comes the jokes part...

    "I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister." – Will Marsh

    "You know you're working class when your TV is bigger than your book case." – Rob Beckett

    "I took part in the sun tanning Olympics - I just got Bronze." – Tim Vine

    "Pornography is often frowned upon, but that's only because I'm concentrating." – George Ryegold

    "I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!" – Stewart Francis

    "If 50 Cent was shot nine times, why doesn't he sound like a flute?" Luke Benson

    "What do we want!? More research into a cure for ADHD! When do we want it!? Let's play swingball!"Joe Lycett

    Patient wakes up after his leg is amputated, doctor says." I have some good news and some bad news, hat do you want first?" Give me the bad news' the patient replies, "we amputated the wrong leg" pause...
    "And might I ask, what might be, the good news" ?
    The other one is getting better...

    Two cannibals feasting on a clown washed up on the beach
    First cannibal: 'whadya think?'
    Second cannibal: 'Hmmm... dunno. Tastes a bit funny.'
     
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2012
  8. bobdude

    bobdude Guest

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    your comment is a joke


    [​IMG]
     
  9. Mikedogg

    Mikedogg Guest

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    Is that even a joke? or are you just baiting? :3eyes:


    Remember, the real crazy's are the ones that don't question.
     
  10. F1refly

    F1refly Ancient Guru

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    A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened.

    The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied “I don't know, it all happened so fast.”
     

  11. SLI-756

    SLI-756 Guest

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    Same as those that look around, but never up.
     
  12. Kaleid

    Kaleid Ancient Guru

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    Ok, let me add a few which aren't my own.. (I don't mean to offend anyone)

    "My wife is a sex object -- every time I ask for sex, she objects." Les Dawson

    "My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met." Rodney Dangerfield

    I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I immediatel*y ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!"
    "Why shouldn't I?" he said.
    I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"
    "Like what?"
    "Well ... are you religious or atheist?"
    "Religious*."
    "Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"
    "Christian*."
    "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant*?"
    "Protestan*t."
    "Me too! Are you Episcopali*an or Baptist?"
    "Baptist."
    "Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"
    "Baptist Church of God."
    "Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"
    "Reformed Baptist Church of God."
    "Wow! Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformatio*n of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformatio*n of 1915?"
    "Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformatio*n of 1915!"
    To which I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.

    Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
    Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there..

    A man was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up toward heaven, he said, "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up Alcohol."
    Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
    The Man looked up again and said,
    "Never Mind. I found one."

    Officer: Sir, what's in your cup?? Man: Just some water officer. Officer: That smells like wine to me!
    Man: DAMN!!!! JESUS DID IT AGAIN

    I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Emo Phillips

    / Ok, enough from me.
     
  13. hallryu

    hallryu Don Altobello

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    How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a light bulb?

    None, the Government did it!

    Yes, a little bit of corn I threw down for someone and I sat and watched them take it, and with that I'm out.
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2012
  14. Mikedogg

    Mikedogg Guest

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    ^Funny how it's only me you're targeting since I'm not the only one who called you out on you absurd statement. :3eyes:


    How many sheeple does it take to walk into a slaughter house?

    One, the rest will follow out of heard mentality and the promise of food.
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2012
  15. harkinsteven

    harkinsteven Guest

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    Yo' Mama is so stupid, she got stabbed in a drive-by.
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2012

  16. Mikedogg

    Mikedogg Guest

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    ^You might want to follow that up with a joke.
    -------------------------------------------------

    Q: What do you call a gay milkman?
    A: A Dairy Queen.
     
  17. Veteran

    Veteran Ancient Guru

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    My 6 year old niece told me these jokes which i thought was quite good.

    "Did you hear about the Crab that went dancing at the Disco?"
    "He pulled a mussel".:)



    "Did you hear about the pregnant Bedbug?"
    "The baby is due in the spring"

    Edit...dont want any games but thanks.
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2012
  18. F1refly

    F1refly Ancient Guru

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    curious, did anyone win yet?
     
  19. Valken

    Valken Ancient Guru

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    I like all of your jokes, some I've already heard but Anubis (last 2 jokes) and rievhardt made me laughed out loud the most.

    harkinsteven - you were in 3rd place with your Garda joke but I might have an extra copy of Nuclear Dawn.

    Please PM me your Steam ID so I can give you guys the games!
     
  20. rievhardt

    rievhardt Guest

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    glad you liked it, steam id sent :)
     
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